It just won't sink in.

My partner and I were together over 3 years. On April 18th 2019 I had a phone call to tell me he had passed away. He was away working at the time, I hadn't seen him in 3 weeks. He was 26 years old, and I still have no cause of death, no reason as to why he has been taken from me. We spoke the morning of his passing, he seemed fine, not his total usual self but by all means in no way would I of expected the outcome I got.

I am lost, nothing seems to sink in, nothing feels real. I feel guilty because I do not cry about it, I feel angry because I do not understand it. I am told this is all normal feelings of grief, which I guess I can imagine they are, but i'm sure people understand when i say that knowing this is normal doesn't help a thing.

I live miles away from my family, my support network is his family, which is lovely, but sometimes not comforting. I cannot support them through their grief, I cant even control myself.

A choice has been taken from me, a future stolen. This is something I simply refuse to accept.

We had built a life together, and like all couples the road to get there was long and hard. Now I find myself slowly continuing to crawl down this road alone.

The love of my life is gone, and I don't know why, I don't know why he was taken, how he was taken, but he is gone. And to help myself push all those feelings down, I paint a little smile on my face every single day and keep as busy as absolutely possible.

I am 25 years old, I feel like my life has come to a dead stop with no hopes of continuing on or restarting in any way. How can you possibly ever understand or accept the loss of someone so close to you.

I grieve for the man, I grieve for the intimacy lost, I grieve for the connection, the conversation, the touch. I grieve for the future that I buried with him. I grieve for the person he made me, a person I have also lost.

I hope to one day meet someone who shares these feelings I hold. Someone who understands, someone I can share some support with.

 

I share many of your feelings Jade. Although our circumstances are quite different many of our feelings are the same. My husband of almost 47 years died suddenly of a massive heart attack. We were just planning a major vacation and his retirement the month before he passed. So the love of my life is gone. I am angry and and nothing seems real. I rush home to wait for him but I know he isn’t coming. I still buy his favorite things when I shop but I know he is not there to use them. I too feel like my life has stopped, and have no idea how or why to continue on. I too grieve for his touch, his laughter, his smile, his conversations. I too feel my future is gone without him. Believe me I understand and share your feelings. Try to stay strong and take one day, one hour at a time. My heart aches for you.

 

I too share many of the feelings that you are having. My situation is very different, my 20 year old son, my only child was killed on April 11, 2019 in a tragic car accident by a careless person. He had such a promising future ahead of him and that has been robbed from him. I have been robbed of his presence, watching him fulfill his dreams, fall in love, start a family, etc. I am devastated that I will never again see that twinkle in his eyes, the smile that lit up his whole face, hear his voice, or his amazing laugh, quick wit or be wrapped in one of his big bear hugs. I'm angry, in denial, numb, depressed, and without a purpose. He was the "Sun" that my entire life revolved around and now I feel like I'm being sucked into a black hole with no control. All you can do is be kind to yourself, take one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. I am so sorry for the pain you are in. I hope that you can find some peace in the love that you shared. You are not alone.

 

Melissa, so sorry for your loss and for your pain. You are so right. All we can do is take it one hour at a time. Some days fly by and other days are never ending.