It can’t be true

Hi Gary
I am so terribly sorry for your loss.
This is a nightmare Rollercoaster to be put on.
I go through so many emotions in a minute that it is mind-blowing. Tried to stay busy the past 2 weeks, but woke up to overcast, windy and cold weather and knowing my friend who came yesterday to visit is leaving tomorrow and was suddenly paralyzed in grief and fear again.
No one not going what we are going through have an inkling of how horrible this being left behind truly is.
Thank you so much for reaching out. I am so glad I found this group and I so hope you also can find peace again. Thank you for sharing your story about your special Cheryl. It really helps to talk about our special loved ones. Mine was my rock and the love of my life.
Take care of yourself too.
Sue

 

You have such a way with words Sue. I relate so much to your post. Thank you

 

Donna, you are very kind thank you. I find that writing down my thoughts and expressing them to you guys really helps me.
Wishing you peace and peace to us all. I really can do with peace in my soul.
Sue

 

Hello Sue and Donna, I’ve been out of the loop for a while but have you heard of the website centerforloss.com? It has an article there called 6 needs of the mourner. This is a basic playbook for grief recovery. It tells what to expect from yourself and others navigating grief. I was releaved to read the feeling that I was going crazy was normal Because I felt like that 4-5 months. It also suggests dosing ourselves with grief and too much grieving at one time isn’t healthy. The trick is how to move away from our grief. We all know how the overwhelming sadness comes on like a tsunami. The warning sounds we brace ourselves selves and wham! I could feel my body getting heavy as I walked to my bed and then I threw myself on the bed and curled into the fetal position and balled my eyes out. My mournings peaked late morning and early afternoon. Afterwards I would say to myself you are really screwed up not knowing that I was actually beginning the healing process. The grief was starting to bubble up and out. I finally gave myself permission to mourn. The Tom Zuba says when we feel we have cried every tear and there aren’t any more embrace yourself and say I am healing. I am healing. I am healing. Centerforloss.com has a daily grief devotion. You may have to call their contact number to get it. Most of the grief warriors read it. It’s free. It’s Very dry in Indiana now and I’m spending time watering my beloved Cheryl’s 2 flower gardens. It makes me feel useful and helps with self love. Gary

 

Hello Donna, I am so sorry for your loss and the trauma during those moments. I joined here as well because I was feeling stuck in stunned disbelief that my husband was gone. I felt for last three months that I was still in that moment of time while the rest of the world had continued on. The muddled thoughts, lack of focus and even the physical pain are not as acute as they were in the early days but I find they return when I least expect them. I did get to say goodbye but I would give anything to hold that hand just one more time. We never get enough. To me it’s like an earthquake has shaken every aspect of my life and I’m try to put all the pieces back together when it’s in a big heap on the floor. Sending you warm hugs and understanding.

 

Donna: Your life of turmoil since that tragic day is so vivid and real to us all. How ironic it is that we share emotions and details to complete strangers of such intensely personal stories that we wish never happened, and yet, doing so is essential to our mutual well-being. For the old folks like me that may remember, comedian Woody Allen once said, "Why would anyone want to join a club that would want someone like me as a member?" The reason is that while each of us only brings a sad story to the club, the same is true of all the members. We all share the same grief-in-common and benefit greatly from sharing our experiences with those who can uniquely relate.

I understand what you mean to feel alone and live remotely. The nearest town to my cabin is four miles away and has about 50 people. I go for weeks at a time and literally never even see another person, admittedly by choice now that my wife of many years is no longer with me. Frankly, after so many years I don't know any other way. I go about once a week for supplies to the "big" town of 1500 people twenty miles away. I'm sure you can relate to that life. Your words suggest that we also regrettably share other feelings and emotions before and after those tragic days in our lives. I never felt alone or isolated while Janet was there with me. I suspect the same was true with you and Dallas. She was all that I knew and all that I needed, as I'm sure Dallas was to you. When my world ended, there I was, just me. Nothing else, nothing, nothing. I cannot put into meaningful words how sad I am for what has happened to you. What an incredible man Dallas obviously was. How unfair this is! For what it's worth, I survived those first weeks and months by living one day at a time. I was so overwhelmed that I learned to focus only on today and get through today. Tomorrow turned out to be the same, but at least it didn't come until tomorrow. Somehow you will get through this because you have to. It's not possible now, but the day will come when you look back and say: I can't believe I actually got through that? As the expression goes, you have to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. Sincerely, Jeff

 

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so sorry for your loss and sadly can relate to your pain. It’s amazing what a difference it makes to know you are not alone. Thank you for reaching out to me. Take care

 

Thank you Jeff. I am so sorry for your loss. It’s so sad to know so many people are suffering as I am. It’s so painful . Some days I just wish I didn’t wake up. I want my old life back. I want my Dallas to have his life back. Living is so incredibly hard now. I hope it gets better at some point. One day at a time. That is all we can do. I know my Dallas would be wondering what all the fuss was about and would be telling me to pick myself up and dust myself off but I just can’t right now. Maybe one day. Thank you for reaching out to me. It all helps

 

Donna,I was looking at the
posts of new members like
Kritti ( you were kind to
welcome her) and "Sunbell"
( don't know her name, or her
husband's). I noticed that I referred to you as Dallas
( "Deejay"). My "foggy widowed
brain", as our friend, DEB , calls
it, may be part of my mistake,
but, on the other hand, your
soulmate , Dallas,will always be
part of you, just as Linda will
always be part of me, no matter
how many women I dance with. So glad you stayed with us to
get help, and to give comfort to
new members. Lou

 

Thanks Louenjoy your dancing