It’s been a year and 7 months my grieving continues.

Hello,
I lost my mother suddenly, on Nov. 18, 2023. She was driving to us in CA from Oregon, for Thanksgiving, car filled with all the special everything she could think of for all her grandkids and her two daughters. We were going to make a plan to have her move in with us as the distance had grown cumbersome and she older, so travel was not as easy. I begged her to let me fly her to us but she wanted me to save money, not to be burdened by her, and mostly she wanted to pack her car full of all her love and come to us ready to celebrate. 20 minutes into her 13 hour drive, she was struck head-on by a drunk and drugged driver, going over 115 miles per hour, and both died instantly. That is my only gratitude, that her passed instantly.

The first months were an awful blur-I returned to work, only taking 4 days off, went back and forth to Oregon during both Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks (I am
An educator) to make arrangements, pick up Howie, her beloved dog, and finally complete the final move back to CA and transition.

sitting here now, in July of 2025, I feel so lost and lonely without my momma. I miss her terribly. It’s easier getting through the work days, but I am destroyed in my quiet moments. I have a wonderful 16 year old daughter and my husband, and love them dearly, though I am finding no joy in life anymore. I am unfocused, can’t stick to any routine other than work
And my home life, but socializing, working out, meal panning, basic household chore, really any motivation is basically gone.
I know I am depressed and don’t know how to heal. I’m just so terribly sad. Devastated honestly. It seems like people expect me to be fine, enough time has passed and life has continued, but it’s just not the same.

I need to find myself to be a good mom, wife and educator, but life lost its shine the second she was taken from me and I don’t know how to get it back.