I really didn’t want Christmas to suck but it does

i suddenly lost my husband 2 months ago. We have a son who turned 8 at the end of November. I was determined that Christmas was not going to suck for us, that I was going to get through it without being weepy. Well... I lost that bet. We went to our favorite family Christmas place last night, first time without my husband. I cried most of the way home. Ugh

 

I did the same that first year.
Went to grandsons for Christmas and cried all the way there and all the way home.
Last year I tried but still cried.
Sat the 22nd I am hosting Christmas.
Told my one grandson that if I disappear for a few minutes to cover for me.
If you feel like crying go for it.
There are not rules to this grieving process.

Do what you can.

 

Do not worry about being weepy! If anything, being weepy will help you in the long run. Grief is very, very powerful and the only way to shrink it is by mourning. For many of us, crying is our main mourning mode. There is a wonderful book I bought four months ago that helped me with early grief. It is called: It is ok that you are not ok by Megan Devine. A professional therapist, she watched her partner of five years drown. Without going into great detail, it helped me to see what grief is (love) and that most of US society is NOT helpful when it comes to grieving people. Please read it.

I lost my beloved partner of 18 years when he collapsed a n d died in my presence June 30 2018 as we were getting ready to relax for the evening. He suffered a catastrophic cardiac arrest and only had a 2 percent chance of surviving. If he had survived, he w ould have been brain damaged. Robert was my everything as I have no family. We moved from California to OK in 2013 so he could be with his tribes again (Cherokee and Lenni Lenape and Shawnee) . I loved him very much.

Christmas is sucking but I knew it would. I am sure your son is grieving as much as you that it may not appear to be so. I have found therapy is absolutely essential.

At two months, you may still be in the numb stage. It will probably get worse but it will get better. Just work on that grief mountain, as I call it, and don't worry when grief washes over you. It means you loved him. Don't let people sh ame you when you are feeling rotten. You are the ine suffering the grief and you need to grieve on your own schedule. God bless you. Respond back if you need.

 

Wow this is really helpful and a lovely response. I’d say more but today was pretty exhausting. I feel good and looking forward to sleeping. More later.

 

N

 

I am new --so I apologize ahead for mistakes I may make attempting to respond. I am sorry for your losses. It is hard but also find it very helpful to communicate with others that have been thru this. A big hug to you all

 

I think it’s perfectly fine to be weepy - whenever and for however long you need...

 

Hello. I’m new on this site. I lost my husband oct 9, 2018 and I just can’t seem to pull myself out of the misery I am in. I am better during the day as we had a business I’m trying to keep running, but any alone time and nights are killing me. I just don’t know what to do.

 

I too am new here. I lost my mother 2/28/18 after a 4 day battle with influenza. I am the youngest of 3 kids and the only daughter. We were very close.
I tried so hard to enjoy Christmas because I know that’s what she would have wanted. I hated it. I just wanted to cry the entire weekend. This being the first Christmas without her, I really hope it gets better in the future. I love the holidays and really don’t want them to be a source of sadness. I’m so sorry everyone is struggling. I feel all of your pain

 

I completely understand how you feel. I’m going through the same. I just can’t seem to get a grip and pull myself out of this. I can relate and I’m so sorry you are having a hard time. You are not alone ,

 

What are you doing to help yourself?? I have no energy, no thoughts, no purpose ...

 

Help myself?? That’s an excellent question. I don’t really know. I honestly never thought about that. I work A LOT. That keeps my mind busy. I’m struggling with lack of energy myself. My bed has been my best friend lately. My safe space. I tried antidepressants and they did help but reacted poorly with my migraine medication so I had to stop them. Friends have suggested counseling. I know it would help. I just haven’t felt “up” to talking that in depth about it. That would make it real.
So, the short answer is not much. I guess I just figured time is what I need. I’ve never done this before. I keep thinking I’m grieving wrong.
How about you? This is way more fresh for you. You’re just a few months in? I can’t even remember the first few months after it happened. I was a zombie. I understand how you’re feeling 100%. Just no direction or purpose. I was there too. It has gotten better, but not much.

 

. Hugs to you.

This is very fresh. John was sick, but passed away in his sleep. I couldn’t go in my room and slept the little they I did on the couch. I’m ok during the day, for the most part. I get home from work and it starts all over again. I am angry he’s not here, I’m angry I have to deal with everything on my own, I’m angry all our plans for the future are gone. Then it turns into a pity party, then i usually cry myself to sleep hugging a picture or shirt of his. He was my best friend, my soulmate. I miss him do much. I have cried more tears than I thought I ever could. I’m afraid to burden my older parents with too much and afraid to burn my friends out. I found this site and thought I’d try it. Today I made the call to hospice and made an appointment to speak to s grief counselor. I feel like I’m losing control of my life. I can’t do that. I have s business, employees and a disabled adult daughter who needs me.

 

It’s so funny you say that! Im doing the same. My dad has his own problems, obviously. His friend and partner of 53 years is gone, so I feel like unloading on him isn’t really an option. Men just handle grief differently and that’s all I have is men. Not a single other female in my family.
So anytime anyone asks how I’m doing, I just say “fine.”
I’m so glad to hear you are making the step into counseling. I’m sure it will help. I’m just not ready yet, although I’m not sure what I’m waiting for. It’s sad that we both seem to be feeling alone in this, but it’s the truth. I just feeling like I’m spinning in circles and constantly overwhelmed by my own life that I can barely keep it running.
Hugs back ♥️

 

That’s my typical answer too. Fine .... really? How do you think I’m doing is what I want to say!
Not sure I’m ready, but the thoughts I have swirling in my head are not good. I have to do something.

You are not alone. You have reached out, via this site. That’s good. Lean on others. Maybe it will help. Sometimes I find it easier to talk to a stranger than someone I know. Maybe got you too??

Stay in touch and I’m here for ya!

 

It’s good that you are recognizing that you are not in a good place. That is huge. At least you are trying instead of just letting the darkness progress. I agree. it does seem easier talking to a stranger. One that knows exactly what I’m going through. I’m glad I found this site.
Thank you for replying. This has helped already

 

I also got this book on audible and it helped me too. I lost my daughter unexpectedly in her sleep in November. I am still reeling from it but this book helped me some