I lost my Husband my best friend my soul mate.

On September 9th 2018 I lost my husband suddenly to a heart attack. He was only 43. And it was also are wedding anniversary. This all happened at home in front of my 19 year old daughter and I. We both gave he CPR for what seemed like forever waiting for EMS to arrive. I'm so lost and overwhelmed with anxiety. The symptoms that the anxiety is causing creates even more anxiety as those symptoms are so similar to a heart attack. The pain and emotions come like waves. I feel so alone.

 

Oh, I am so sorry. My partner died in the same manner though his was a cardiac arrest. It will take lots of grief work. Do you think you might have PTSD? If so, see doctors.

Losing someone like a husband or partner i s very difficult

 

So

sorry for your loss I lost my husband last year suddenly to a cardiac arrest he was 39 not a day goes by I don’t miss him

 

Cardiac arrest is awful because you have to get help now. If you 're not able to, they're brain dead. It only takes 4-6 minutes. I felt so helpless. Calling 911 and he slumps over. Skin beneath his reddish skin is dark purple. I knew he was not breathing but never did it occur to me that paramedics would not get him breathing again in time. Too many tv shows showing good outcomes. The reality is a lot harsher. Robert had a 2 percent chance.

 

This is definitely the hardest thing l have ever been through. It feels like I'm just going through the motions of life. I don't really feel like I'm living. Stuck in my sadness but still able to smile at time. Its only been a little over a month and that it takes time. But will time really let me feel alive again?

 

Christie, I see by your bio that you are 45. You are 5 yrs older than I was when I lost my 1st partner to suicide. I just lost my 2nd 3 mos ago. through completely different circumstances. That matters! Someone who kills himself b/c he is such an alcoholic and who is expected to die is a far different matter than someine who dies suddenly and without warning in front of you. (Those were my 2 partner death experiences.)

Yes, you can survive it and even thrive from it. It takes grief work (journaling, crying, talking about it, grief support groups , counselors, rituals, wearing his clothing and jewelry, listening to his music) to integrate it into your life. You will never be that person again. You will be another person carrying that grief around with you. It will get lighter as the years go by but it will never disappear. All of this I say from hard fought learning and my own personal experience. At 1 month, I was still numb. The real grief hit at 7 weeks.

 

Kind words. Thank you. I'm sorry for both your losses. I lost my Father to suicide 20 years ago this December. I still sometimes struggle with that as well. But losing my Husband of 22 years so out of the blue has effected me with far more sorrow and pain. I know the worst of the pain is still to come. I have been numb and just going through the motions of life. I am going back to church and reading some books about grief. One day at a time I guess.

 

Christie.

The numbness you speak of is a normal reaction. We all go through a period of brain fog when we lose someone close, especially a spouse. Take time for yourself and make sure you see a doctor if you are experiencing too many physical symptoms . The grief we experience when we lose a spouse of many years can be felt both mentally and physically. When my husband of nearly 50 years passed in 2016 I went through a period of brain fog that left me feeling like I was walking around like a zombie. There were times I was in so much physical pain I could hardly function but that will pass. Grief is different for each of us but just deal with whatever comes along one day at a time. Connecting with others who can relate to your grief is a good place to start so you’re in the right place.

 

Loss of partners/spouses is the worst loss. It is the person you spend most if not all of your non working time. Losing him or her is like losing yourself. I have not yet figured it out at 103 days

 

Yes that's what happened to me also and I read that there's only a 2% chance of survival unless it happens in a hospital. He woke me up just before midnight on September 13, 2018 making a noise which I thought was from having a bad dream. He was unconscious And I couldn't wake him up. 911 made me drag him onto the floor even though I told them he was over 300 pounds so I could do chest compressions, he was already turning blue at that point and had stopped making noise The paramedics tried for a good 20 to 30 minutes but there was never any change I believe he was already gone before they got there. I retired fire chief friend tell me the noise he was making is called snoring respiration and it's basically after somebody passes it's their body deflating.

 

The chances of surviving in the hospital aren't much better: about 20 percent. There is always the chance of brain damage.

 

I am going through the same grief. My husband died from a massive heart attack at work. He lived only 24 hrs as we tried to save him but the same, no oxygen. It hit me so hard my chest and heart physically hurt. We had 18 years together. I've cried everyday, especially at night. I don't think I've actually accepted the fact that he's not coming back, but in my mind I know he is not. I have a son ( not his ) but his son in every way. We're both like, where do we go from here? I also am bi- polar 2, so I'm fighting for my life and taking it literally minute to minute. He died on Sept 7th 2018. This is a nightmare I just want to wake up from.. Right now I'm hanging on to my faith in God, that's my strength. I also hang on to the fact that my husband lived life and that love for living and Knowing how much he loved us and would want us to keep living and loving life as much as he did. But, Some days I hurt so bad I can hardly walk, Life has come to a standstill, my cheeks are are raw from the tears and I just want to give up. Then, I hear him say, baby, don't quit....live.. and, I'm still here..minute by minute.