It's been 3 months since my dad passed away. The funeral was two days before my 25th birthday (which is also an anniversary of a friend's passing). The hardest thing is that between the funeral and my birthday was a Sunday. Every Sunday since I moved away to college, my dad had me call him. It's been 7 years of Sunday calls going from undergraduate to working to now graduate school. That week of so many things at once was too darn much. I didn't care about the birthdays since mine has been a wake since 2010, but Sundays just kick my butt. My mom wants me to call her on Sundays but that isn't her day. I know she wants to help but I can't seem to make my Sundays any better. Any advice for "grieving a routine?" My academic performance is falling just as quickly as my ability to move on Sunday.
I'm so sorry! I lost my mother recently and am becoming very familiar with that feeling of inertia and not being able to do ANYTHING!. I'm actually sitting here at work right now doing this instead of all the things I'm behind on because I just can't make myself care about any of it. Perhaps you could pick another day to call your Mom? I would love to be able to call mine, but I just have to talk to her in my head and hope she's hearing me. My Dad's been gone since he had a massive heart attack on Father's day in 2009 and I found that talking to him that way gives me some comfort. That included fussing at him for leaving me that way. When I lost him, I had to force myself to think about how he would feel about my "wallowing" as he would have called it. My suggestion is to give yourself the gift of a half hour every Sunday to focus on remembering the great times you had with your Dad. Then do something that he would have enjoyed in his memory. With me it was singing since the two of us used to go to my uncle's house on weekends and sit around playing music. There are still songs I can't sing without getting teary eyed, but I know he would much rather "hear" me singing than crying. It's a slow process, but give it a try and cut yourself a break. You have the right to grieve as long as you need to, there is no time limit.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your father. I lost my Mom 3 weeks ago. I’m thinking about your loss of routine- what if you made a list of all the little things in the week that you would have told your Dad on Sunday. When Sunday comes around, sit down in a quiet, private place and out loud tell him those things, plus tell him how you are feeling about his death and how you are coping with his absence. It would guide you toward making a re-creation of a former routine and it could also be therapeutic.
That is a wonderful idea! I too am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother on March 6th. I have been through hell and have even felt as though I cannot go one she was my world. There was terrible strife in my family. Which ultimately destroyed even her passing. I am beyond devastated.
Are you able to maybe use that time on Sunday and go and visit his graveside? Is it possible for you to visit on Sunday and have your conversation with him there? Or have a quiet spot that you like to be and take that time to talk to him.
