How can I forgive myself

I lost the father of my children on July 29, 2018. He was killed in a driveby shooting. We have a two beautiful boys. A 2 year old and a 7 month old. My 7 month old has a complex heart defect, we almost lost him at birth. Everyday is getting harder. We had a huge fight before he left that day. He tried too kiss me and I pushed his face because I was so angry. I told him too leave and get out of the house. I should have just told him too stay. I feel like I'm too blame. My emotions are between greif and anger. I'm mad that he left me like he did. I'm mad that one day I might lose my son too and I have too go through it alone. I miss him so much. Im mad that I took the time I had with him for granted and I'll never get it back. I just want too talk with him and tell him I'm sorry. Knowing I will never get the chance is eating me alive.

 

Dealing with guilt and 'what ifs' is difficult. There will be an opportunity to to say sorry, ask forgiveness, and find peace about that fight at some point in the future.

I can't say when, where, or how it will happen, but remain open to the possibility and allow some time to work thought it in your mind.

Though he's gone, you can still have that conversation to make things right.

Forgiveness is more about making things right in your own mind in the present then fixing the past.

 

Thank you so much Craig ❤️ I've couldn't of gotten better advice

 

Sorry to hear about the father of your kids. I think everyone goes through the "what if" scenario. I did the same when my mother passed suddenly. I also understand about the guilt.