Grief quotes of the day

Helena, now that I'm grieving over Linda's
death, & her not being physically next to
me, 3 & a half years later, I do not believe
that cliche, that "Time heals all wounds".
It was probably written by someone who
didn't suffer the agony of seeing our
"other half" die. The only thing I can say,
is that I don't weep uncontrollably like I
did after Linda died. I read that after
Paul McCartney's first wife died, he said
that all he could do, was to cry for a
year. Lou

 

Thank you Banana Lou.
In fact that's what I'm having for breakfast, mashed banana on toast, try it.

 

Helena,

Thank you for posting this very uplifting message... It makes me so over the top happy!!!, TUTTAM!!! hearing that you're enjoying a beautiful sunny day... You've come along way in such a short amount of time... I'm going to follow your lead. After lunch, I'm going to take a very long walk..., enjoy some of God's many beautiful creations... sunshine..., birds..., flowers..., beautiful old oak trees, covered in Spanish moss... the gorgeous blue color of the sky... vibrant yellow butterflies...

However, I will be very aware of my surroundings at all times, it's gator mating season... I've had way too many up close, way too personal experiences..., Although I'm no longer supposed to run, I'm so grateful I still can!!!, TUTTAM!!! I've also seen a few armadillos way too close for comfort, but they didn't scare me, the way those gators do. I'm used to seeing baby gators, it's those really BIG!!!, TUTTAM!!! gators that make my heart feel like it's pounding outside of my chest... Although God created these creatures too, I wish I had a magic wand, could wave it at any of them that dare cross my path, and make them vanish into thin air... Getting way off track and want to get a long walk in, so stopping here (for now).

I hope Mr. Grief continues to remain lurking in the shadows, allowing you to enjoy the rest of this beautiful day...

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Bernadine,

This is such an over the top beautiful message... It made me teary eyed, but mostly only in the very best of ways... You expressed how I feel, but couldn't put into words as well as you just did. No matter how much we heal, I believe that we are always going to feel this kind of "aloneness." There is NO!!!, TUTTAM!!! way to heal from this... Sadly, from now until the moment we're reunited with Kenn and Bob, life will always be so very bittersweet... But, and this is another one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!!, you ARE!!!, we ARE!!! strong enough to feel this. WE ARE THE GW!!!, TUTTAM!!! WE CAN AND WILL BE OKAY... WE HAVE EACH OTHER...

I'm slowly beginning to experience those brief flickers of light, of pure happiness again, as I think Karen referred to them. Robin explained how those flickers of light happen for her, in her response to Karen's post. It's such a wonderful feeling... to be doing something simple..., an ordinary thing, like buying fruit at the grocery store, and just being content in the moment, no flashbacks, no triggers of any kind, feeling like everything is right in the world... It's a wonderful feeling... so very freeing..., for the short amount of time it lasts. Sadly, bittersweet is here to stay, but and this is the last really BIG BUT!!! bittersweet is so much better than just over the top sad!!!, TUTTAM!!!

Hope you have at least one, but hopefully many more reasons, to LMSO today...

As always, sending you and Maggie Joy lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Karen, I try to eat out for most of my
breakfasts, after a long winter of staying
inside. Soon, the temps will be warm
enough to sit under umbrellas outside
the restaurants. Every Tues , I meet a
married friend at a restaurant owned by
a Brazilian family. My friend is the
musician from the local cafe. We always
get ocean fresh salmon or cod. Today,
the chef/ owner brought out a plantain
( different from banana) cream soup,
with shrimp. It is gluten free ( otherwise
I couldn't eat it). It's delicious. I'm
trying new things, and getting out of my
"beige" existence. Deb knows what I'm
talking about. Linda came up with that
word. She complimented me one day, and
said that unlike previous relationships,
I wasn't beige. Lou.

 

I know Lou, no body grieves the same way, grieving is unique, your grieving is yours and your only. The person who published that poem uses a cliché which a lot of people believe "Time heals all wounds". I believe that we never stop loving our spouses, partners, loved ones, but a lot of people think otherwise. In my case I had what they called ANTICIPATORY GRIEVING. Geoff suffered a major heart attack in 1997 was taken by helicopter to a hospital, spent for two weeks in cardiac arrest unit, he got an stent and survived with no problem for another 9 years when he was diagnosed with Stage IIIB throat cancer, he had a surgery that lasted eleven hours and radiation therapy, with a recovery of many months. At that time all my family came to give me moral support (we have always live thousands of miles away) Now I'm grieving and my pain its always present, I try to be strong but there are days I can't stop crying ANTICIPATORY GRIEVING? maybe for some people. My grieving it's only my own grieving. I read different books related to grieving, in some way I can relate, the same here in GIC, each of us grieves our own way, we exchange ideas, our sadness, quotes and art, that it's a good way that we can express our ideas and sorrow, we are travelling a long journey and here TGW can express their sadness bc we know all the warriors here are compassionate, they will listening without judgement!! HELENA

 

Dear Deb, I hope Mr. Grief didn't come to visit you and keep enjoying nature seeing the beautiful all great and small creatures, as long as you don't encounter the big gators, the biggest one is MR. GRIEF, for now I have managed to kick him out.
Thanks for your love and hugs, there are always welcome!!! have a peaceful rest of the day, sending your way my love, peace and many hugs. Helena

 

Helena, come to think of it, Linda had a
cancer scare, back in 2003, endometrial
cancer, which was extremely painful,
& required hospitalization, where she
was put on an IV for morphine. I always
had to run down the hall to the nurse's
station bc she didn't always respond to
the buzzer. One night, I came to Linda's
room. She looked lifeless & it instilled
panic & fear in me. Upon her discharge,
I was so freaked out that I had a fight or

flight response. I urged Linda to drive
with me to another location, before she
had a chance to recover. Linda agreed
at the time. In retrospect, it was not a
good idea, and we suffered financial
hardships along the way. We thought her
cancer was over, but it came back with a
vengeance, in a different form, breast
cancer, in Oct , 2018. The cancer spread
to her back & Linda was in extreme pain----
again. The nurses in the rehab unit of the
nursing home did not use morphine, bc
they felt it addictive.Linda was given a
weaker pain killer in her IV. Once again,
I had to run down the hall to get more
pain medicine. Finally, when Linda
collapsed in her room, I had to run down
this hall. I've never been so frightened
in my life,and I hope I never will again.
I'm so sorry for Goeff's ordeal and for
yours. Lou

 

Helena, this picture of the timeless
ocean made me cry. Both Linda & I were
born & raised by the sea, but in
different towns. We met in the city.
Work made us live in inland towns, but
we always felt like "fish out of water".
The good thing is that every chance we
got, we would have weekend getaways
and vacations by the ocean. When we
retired , we were able to move to a
seaside town. As horribly sad as I can be
some days, or suffer from survivor's
guilt, bc Linda didn't " live to see the
Promised Land", like Martin Luther
King, Jr, said, I am grateful to God, that
Linda knew I would. Lou

 

Deb, I'm so happy you have had some flickers and at the same time I'm a little jealous. You are progressing and that is super great.

 

Your sea side foods sound so good, I'm imaging being by the sea eating shrimp, my fav.

But, my question is to you and Robin since you both are beyond most of us on your journey. Question: Has your grief journey ever been stuck, not moving? If so, how did you handle it? My journey seems to be numb, stagnant, not changing. I'm trying to find answers. Thanks Lou and Robin

 

Karen, when I went to the small
psychiatric unit, voluntarily, for 5 nights,
after the shock of seeing Linda die in
front of me, it was the best thing I could've
done. I woke up Thanksgiving morning
with other clients, with various issues,
like depression, manic depression ( like
me), alcohol & drug addiction, and
loneliness, with no family or friends
( also like me). We had counselor led
meetings every day. At 9am, the first
question by the counselor was, " how
did you sleep?".My answer was " not at
all", at first. The staff let me write in my
journal in the middle of the night. I was
given over the counter Melatonin to help
me relax & I would get about 4 hours of
sleep. The last meeting I had, the clients
were asked what our goals were. Every
single person said it was to help other
people. Upon discharge, I saw a grief
counselor. She suggested the 2 books I
later recommended to TGW. She also
pointed the way to Center for Loss and
GIC. I've made close friends here, since
joining GIC in July, 2021. I welcome &
comfort new members like I was
welcomed. Last night, I reached out to
Wolfdream. Her name is Natasha, and
her soulmate, was Johannes. I was
thrilled to see her moving response to
me this am. We are in different time
zones. I believe she lives in the U.K. I'm
sure she'd love to hear from you and
other GW. Lou

 

Lou, sometimes it's kind of nice to travel in time, occasionally we have tears of joy just looking at a picture, memories good or bad, I think helps us to heal....Helena

 

Karen, after I wrote this, I got a special
Center for Loss message from Dr. Wolfelt.
Did you see it? The heading: Grief is NOT
a disorder. 1st, grief is normal, 2nd,
Because love doesn't end, neither does
grief, 3rd, the normal melancholy of grief
often continues WELL BEYOND A YEAR,
4th, to integrate it into our ongoing lives,
grief takes expression (i.e. mourning), the
support of others, and an UNDETERMINED
amount of time. These words were
Dr. Wolfelt's, but the capital letters were
mine. I hope this helps answer your
question, better than I could. Lou

 

Yes, I read it this morning. And I thoroughly agree with him. I e-mailed him, maybe he could share some light. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

 

I meant shed some light on my stagnant journey.

 

Karen, I'm glad you received that email
from Dr. Wolfelt. He has a book coming
out. I think it's called, You're Not Crazy,
You're Grieving. He asked for stories from
those of us who are, and he will include
some of them in his book. I sent him my
story . Like you, Deb, and other GW, I get
a lot out of the daily quotes. Today's was
about breathing in & out, to relieve some
of the stress of grieving. I just received
another message from Natasha, her
user name is Wolfdream. I was wrong.
I thought she lived in the UK, but she
lives in Belgium. I'm going to reply to
her now. I hope other GW will, as well. L

 

I haven't seen Wolfdream's post. Where is she on this site?

 

Natasha's heading is Gratitude and
Resources. I found her when I started my
own thread, Loss of Spouse. NaSam ,
from Ga. , put a "LIKE" on my post. I wrote
to her , also, but she hasn't replied yet. L