Grief quotes of the day

Deb, I just came home from a fun evening
with friends, listening to a band. This is
the first time I've been out at night, after
a long , cold winter. You could write a book, a real one, not just your "books"(!)
on GIC, about the importance of friends.
I am blessed now, to have friends on and
off GIC. I believe Linda was with me
tonight. When the singer sang "You've
Got a Friend" tonight, I remembered
that was the song played at Linda's
funeral. I didn't cry tonight bc I was
surrounded by my smiling friends. Linda
didn't know them, but would have liked
them as much as I do. Lou

 

Robin, the funeral director played only one
song, from his phone, and that was You've
Got a Friend by James Taylor. I couldn't
listen to that song for a long time, after
the funeral. I couldn't listen to ANY song
without weeping, so I stopped listening to
music altogether. One morning, when the
sun was shining, and I was drinking coffee,
I decided to play an upbeat, sassy song ,
which I enjoyed before I met Linda. It was
Hootchie Cootchie Man, by Muddy Waters.
It made me feel good, and I didn't cry.
That first step inspired me to play any
song that came to mind, on my phone.
I chose the blues, Johnny Cash, Sinatra,
classical, etc. One day, I played Lean on Me,
by Bill Withers, which I had heard long
before Linda. It didn't make me cry, either.
As I told Deb last night, I went to hear a band last night, with my friends. We were
all smiling. The female vocalist sang
You've Got a Friend. I looked around the
table, and realized I had many. When we
were leaving , I told one couple, who are
spiritual, that the song was played at
Linda's funeral. They were serious, &
silent, until I added that I felt she was with
us, and they smiled & nodded their heads.
Lou

 

Bernadine, I just saw your new logo
on your profile, of a man playing the
horn. Was that Kenn? It was a great
picture. Lou

 

Lou,

Great minds think alike, lol... I've been wondering the same thing since Bernadine added this picture. With this way too foggy widow brain, I couldn't remember to ask her...

Have a great day, with many reasons to LMSO...

Sending you hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Yes, that’s Kenn.
I have a whole “shadow man” collection of photos of him.
He’s classy, loved hats, a horn or a flute went everywhere with him…..
feels nice to have him watching over my posts. ~B

 

Love it, Bernadine. You, Kenn, &Linda
would love my local cafe with live
music. Though I don't play an instrument,
I'm a "groupie", tapping my feet & clapping
my hands, and have a musician friend. I
feel God brought me here, My married
musician tells me Linda is smiling on me.
Lou

 

Deb, I’m so happy to hear that you are having some tastes of normalcy flickering in your life. It’s a wonderful thing and what I know Bob is hoping for. He wants you to be ok. All our spouses want that for us. We’ll all get there in our own time. And possibly feel the guilt like I do sometimes. But the flickers of light will keep happening. I keep telling myself, that feeling some normalcy doesn’t mean I love Ron any less or think or miss him any less. I will love him forever and always and I know he’ll be there when it’s my time and we’ll be together again for eternity.
I like your candle, hug in a jar. What a special gift from your friend.
Yesterday was a beautiful day here. Lot of time spent outside. Poor Teddy got bit by something, I believe he’s ok though. And I was able to get my mower started and mowed my back yard. First time mowing each year is always emotional for me. I like doing my yard but I also know Ron didn’t want me mowing. I think of him and end up crying. Which is how it went yesterday but it’s ok. I also know he’s proud.
Wishing you and everyone better days and more tastes of normalcy. Robin

 

Lou, Thank you for sharing. I misunderstood earlier. So nice of the funeral director to play You’ve got a friend in me. I think of Ron as I mention it. It still bring tears. I struggle with music so much. Some days I’m fine, others I can’t listen at all. I can’t stop crying. Music just brings up so many emotional feelings. Thank you for sharing how you were able to bring music back into your life and how it can make you smile again. I will keep trying. So nice to read your experiences with friends and how you had a table of friends with you. Made me smile with and for you.
I might get on the beach today. Not the beautiful warm sunny day we had yesterday but it’s not raining.
I hope you have a nice day on the water Lou. Robin

 

Robin, I so wish you, Deb, and I could
greet each other , with hugs, and we could
meet Teddy, and go to your beach, this
summer. Like you, my spirits are starting
to lift, seeing the spring flowers, like
tulips, and hearing the birds sing. Like
you, also, I have intermittent grief, like
intermittent sun and dark clouds &
rain. I feel the occasional twinge of
guilt that Linda isn't here with me
physically to meet my friends ( who she
never knew) or listen to music in the local
cafe , which didn't exist when she was
alive. Linda would've loved both and it
is so unfair that she is missing it. My
married musician friend, my age, said
that Linda is with us , in spirit, and
smiling along with us. As I told Bernadine,
I can only pray that's true, and that her
musician soulmate, Kenn, is also smiling
on her. Lou

 

Lou, How I love your wish! Wouldn’t that just be so special. We can dream. I can picture the places you tell us all about and they seem like a special healing place. And you so deserve to enjoy all of it each day. I believe that Linda is with you. We know she’s a part of you. She’s not leaving you but with you in a different way. Full of love and wanting you, her soul mate to be ok. All the love stories we’ve heard from our wonderful friends on GIC, tells me we all have our soul mates with us and we can feel them if we’re open to it. But always in our hearts. The rebirth that comes with spring is so rejuvenating. I recall Ron loving all our daffodils and tulips and irises and taking pictures. And he’d say, am I getting too soft? I just love these flowers. I’d answer no, you’re finally taking the time to enjoy nature. He agreed. I miss those conversations. We all do. I know that Linda would love to join you to listen to the music and enjoy meeting your friends. She’s with you Lou.
I’d love us to enjoy those things and bringing you to my beach. Wed have each other’s back if it got emotional. And teddy would love meeting you and all the hugs and petting he’d get.
I’m Looking forward to a ride on the beach today with my daughter whom I’m blessed to have. Probably stay in her car most the time but windows open to feel the breeze and listen to the waves. Still hoping to see seals. They’re so fun to watch or dolphins.
Have a good day with your friends on here and by the water. Robin

 

Lou and Robin,

Lou, just as Robin said, I love!!! your wish too!!!, TUTTAM!!! And, to repeat Robin again, we would be able to comfort each other, if Mr. Grief attempted to ruin our day, by dumping a basket full of those "twinges of guilt" over our heads... There is strength in numbers!!!, TUTTAM (I think it was Gary who first said this, so over the top true!!!) I believe with all my heart that Linda, Ron, Kenn, Bob, and all of our GIC "family's" soulmates are with us, wanting us to be happy, to enjoy nature, the ocean, music, time spent with friends..., etc., etc., etc. All the simple things in life, but also the only things that really matter... Life is a gift. We have to enjoy whatever time we have left on this earth, not just for ourselves, but for our soulmates too. This is the very best way I can think of to honor Linda, Ron, Kenn, Bob.

As usual, your messages give me so much hope, so much to think about... You have been here for me, from the very beginning of this miserable journey (for lack of a better word), expressing your feelings so well, helping me realize I'm NOT!!!alone, I'm NOT!!! losing my mind... Always giving me hope for the future, but and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, without sugar coating things. I'm so sorry both of you have had to endure Mr. Grief's relentless attacks longer than I have, but through your experiences... your tears..., you have helped me become so much better equipped to fight Mr. Grief. You have shown me that there is more to life than just the over the top beige existence I had been living for so long. I will ALWAYS!!! be grateful to you... I know I'm so very lucky to have you in my life... Just grabbed a tissue, but these tears are happy ones...

I'm an emotional mess, but (mostly) only in the very best of ways...

With love to you, and of course to Teddy too, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

P.S. Robin, enjoy your trip to the beach to the absolute max!!! I'm smiling just thinking about it... My daughter surprised us when she came to visit. She bought us tickets for a dolphin watch. We acted like tourists and did a day trip on the Island. Bob was very sick at the time, but we managed with help to get him seated comfortably in a small boat, so we could watch the dolphins. He had so much fun..., we could hear it in his voice, later on, when he took off his sunglasses, we could see that sparkle in his eyes... I need a tissue!!!

The next day, our youngest son arrived. My son and daughter took us out for dinner at one of our very favorite seafood restaurants overlooking the water. We were lucky and got a really nice table outside, gorgeous view... We laughed and reminisced, and had so much fun... It was the very last time I heard Bob laugh as hard as he did, the old Bob, the Bob before he got so sick, for a brief moment, was back. It was such a special evening...
When it was time to leave, we helped him stand, so he could grab on to his rollator (a walker with a seat). My daughter got the car, brought it around front, while my son and I stayed with Bob. He was so tired, he had to sit on the seat. It was the very last time Bob was able to really enjoy himself. It was right before COVID hit.'

The floodgates opened BIG!!! TIME!!!... I REFUSE!!! to let Mr. Grief trash today!!!, TUTTAM!!! I gave him another super hard kick. He better NOT!!! try to mess with me anymore today!!!

It's a beautiful sunny day..., errands to run..., then a short walk, followed by drinks and appetizers on my friend's porch (my widowed friend who lives so close to me), then dinner, more wine... Can't wait to see her and Gus, my very favorite fur baby!!! Life is good, even though so over the top bittersweet...

 

I have a question for everyone that's been on my mind. I'm sure you have heard of people who have had near death experiences. In their testimonies they describe it as seeing a white light and a heavenly feeling outside your body, etc.
To know our soulmates have travelled to heaven to an afterlife makes me feel like I can get through this earthly life and know I will see Jack again. Even though Jack always believed in no afterlife, when your dead you're dead I still think God took him to his loving care. I choose to believe.

Does anyone have any comments on this subject? Hoping your Sunday is going okay for you. Karen

 

Karen,
I believe in both the temporal and eternal.
Jack is correct. We, as humans, do not live after this life. Our humanity is attached to our mother earth.
Beyond the human experience there is a return to source. Many refer to source as god, the universe, higher power.
When we leave this human life we return to the possibility of an afterlife, a before life, an eternal life.
In that space we are connected to each other in ways we cannot understand while we’re here.
We feel love here, and the intensity of that love drives our return to the place where we see each other as we are, one, in Love.

I believe that our beloveds are in that place.
They gaze at us with so much love, seeing us as we are in each moment. Living all the human emotions of joy and sadness, grief, longing, hopeful, beautiful.
They see us. Aware of our lives in a way even we cannot see, we’re up close to it, snuggled up in our human journey.
They’re watching us change and grow, waiting with others who also see us down here.
They’re there, ( which is kind of here, but that’s a different discussion, )
~B

 

B, that is so beautiful. You are so intuned if you know what I mean. Any discussion on this topic I'm interested in. So another different discussion is welcome.

 

Thank you B for posting this response. I'm sure it will be of help to everyone. Karen

 

Well,Deb,you did it again and made me
tear up, but that's OK. I'm on Mr.G's
wild roller coaster ride on this cold,
gray Sunday. Like you, I'm looking forward
to seeing friends, a married couple my
age, tonight. When you said you saw a
glimpse of the "old Bob" before he
became frail , & had to sit down, it reminded me so much of Linda, who used
to walk by my side , without a care. Then,
a cane, a walker,halting every couple
steps, out of breath. I didn't understand
what was going on. Shamefully, though
I never told Linda, thank God, I thought
she was being over dramatic ( which she
was about other things). Oh, God, I wish I
had her here one more time to tell her
how much I loved her. I'm crying as I
write this.What a basket case, or, as
Linda laughingly called me, a "nutbag". L

 

Karen, I have to believe in an afterlife,
bc Linda's spirit had to go "home" as Tom
Zuba says. When Linda was dead on arrival at the ER, a social worker asked
me if I wanted to see her body one last
time. I said no, bc her soul had left her
lifeless body. I don't regret that decision.
As traumatizing as it was to see Linda
collapse in front of me, and soon die,
I was able to talk with her briefly before
that. In The Widower's Notebook,
Jonathan does regret that he saw his
wife, Joy's body when she was dead. He
also said he felt that once you're dead,
that's it, you're dead. I disagree with him
& side with Zuba on this issue. Lou

 

Karen, you were asking about afterlife, perhaps this is interesting, Geoff was a non-believer and myself with the tendency for Buddhism, I feel that being at a point in our lives, we must ask the question "after we die, what happens next?.
Buddhists believes that after this life two things could happen to a man . First, it is either he will be reborn into another being as in reincarnation or he finally attains nirvana where he would no live to suffer again. However, nirvana (NIRVANA - is a state in which one is totally free from suffering. that is to say there would not be the continuous rebirth after death. Moreover, literally, the word nirvana in itself means "to extinguish". And, in such a way that fire will go out when its fuel burns out) is for those who attained awaking just as the Buddha. Buddhists believe that death is not the end of someone. Moreover, the process of rebirth is still a path to attain awakening. One's rebirth depends on his deeds on the previous life. This follows the law of karma where one faces the consequences of this immoral actions or reaps the fruit of his previous moral life.
I just wanted to share that I believe that Geoff, Jack, Ron, Bob, Linda, Kenn, Cheryl and so many more of our loved ones are always with us, they will always will be close to us, and they want us to be happy, they are in the nature, in the air we breathe, where ever we go are in our thoughts, in all our memories, whatever we do, they are with us. Our grieving is the continuation of our love! we miss them terrible but that is part of our lives. I keep saying I AM ALONE because Geoff is not physically here but he wants me to go forward....and I'm trying minute by minute, day by day.
I'm enjoying this beautiful sunny day and feeling much better than yesterday and tomorrow is another day....just hoping that the dreadful Mr G stop messing with our daily lives! Sending your way love, peace a many cyber hugs. Helena

 

Helena, that is so beautiful. Thank you.
My grief therapist was a Buddhist. The
afterlife concept gave her great comfort
after the death of one of her daughters. L

 

Thank you Helena. I know no one really knows the aftermath of death, but it's comforting to believe there is more after the spirit leaves the body.