Grief quotes of the day

Karen,
I’ve experienced those flickers of light you’re waiting for. Very difficult to put into words. But I’ll try. First I want to say I’ve shared with people on GIC and in my life that the second year after losing your soul mate is just what you said. It’s very hard in a different way. And the second to third year also is hard but also in a different way. I keep saying I miss Ron more not less, he’s been gone too long, it’s time to be back home where he belongs. Obviously that won’t happen, but that’s how I feel. And even though a large part of me went with Ron, I need, we all need to push forward, to honor those we miss so much. They’re with us but in a different way.
The flicker of light tends to be just that. A taste of normalcy. A moment of living without the stress, anxiety, loneliness etc hanging over your head. Like walking in a grocery store and just picking up things you need without thinking, Ron would like this, or feeling overwhelmed at being in the store alone or going home to an empty house. It’s a feeling that happens and you’re just doing errands like everything is right and good in your world. For me the flicker isn’t anything extraordinary or super special or exciting. It’s living life without everything just feeling like way too much. And in actuality those things are quite extraordinary aren’t they. I hope this makes sense and I hope this is something you hoped to hear. For me it’s not being out socializing at get a together it’s being able to go be with friends, having lunch and actually enjoying it. I’ve had those moments and it is a good feeling. It’s kind of like putting on your most comfortable shoes. Your mind realizes and you feel ok, I’m making progress. These flickers are coming more often and gives me hope. Sometimes I have guilt, but I don’t hang onto it like I used to. I tell myself it’s ok to live, to enjoy life, to smile. And I can still honor Ron and love him forever.
Karen, you will get there. Each of us will. And that’s why I say so often that there are better days ahead. Because there really are.
Sending love, hope and peace to everyone. Robin

 

I thank you so very much for responding and I know your post will help everyone here.
Yes, it all makes sense. I'm glad you can let guilt go and to live, enjoy life, to smile to honor Ron. When you think about it Ron would only want this for you.

My cousin who still has her husband (who is very ill) said to me, Karen, you were an individual before you became a couple. I keep thinking about that phrase. I'm thinking where is my individuality, I guess it's floating around in cyberspace.

A taste of normalcy that is the flicker.

 

Wow, Karen, you just made up for not
posting on GIC lately.I thought I was
reading one of Deb's "books", bc unlike
Deb, Gary, and myself, you are known
for your wise & brief remarks. Although I
still have my "older brother" Jonathan's
book, I don't have Zuba's anymore. I do
remember the excellent horse analogy.
Thank you,Karen. In addition to TGW on
GIC, you & I get a lot out of the daily
quotes from Center for Loss. The one
today about grief being "messy", is so
true. Mr. Grief is a pig. Lou

 

Robin, I couldn't put it any better. After
the same number of years of our spouses'
deaths., I agree with every encouraging
word you said to Karen. I was still a
trainwreck 2 years after Linda died. As
you know I drank more & stayed out
late so as not to feel the pain. But, of
course, that doesn't work and made me
MORE depressed & lonely. My grief
counselor kindly suggested I stop
drinking, and I did. I've been tempted on
dark gray days, but the angel on my
shoulder tells me to keep walking past
that bar. Lou

 

Robin, as I remember you were the first to welcome me when I first got on the forum. I think maybe Patti too?

 

Thank you so much, you made my day. I’m glad my post makes sense and that it gives you hope. I do still need support and still need to know I’m not alone. But mainly I just want to share what I’ve learned and what might help someone from what I’ve experienced and have gone through. I didn’t have that. So many people leave after a couple years.
It’s very possible I was one of the first to welcome you. We go back a while that’s for sure. I remember David was who welcomed me and his post made me cry. Finally someone who understands how and what I’m feeling. It was such a relief. Robin

 

I’m not sure any of us can find that individual we were before we were a couple. I was 16 when I met Ron and married at 19. No matter what happened in those years, that young person is gone. I think that’s why it’s so hard to figure out who we are now. We just don’t know. We were a couple but were as one, every step is difficult. We’ll all figure it out. All of our spouses want us to live life.

 

Robin & Karen, Linda & I met & got
married in our mid 40s, no children. It
was the first marriage for both of us. We
had other relationships in the past, but,
it was as if we waited for each other--as
true soulmates. Even though my situation
is different, and Linda & I were married
only (!!) 25 years, we were together 24/7
as we got older. So, her death was, and is
devastating. That's why I need to "talk"
with GW like you, and to welcome new
members who share our pain. Lou

 

Thank you Lou. I’m glad you have that angel and listen by continuing walking. Quite the journey we’re all on. We have each other’s back for sure. Robin.

 

Thank you, Robin. I think Patti & Karen
welcomed me first, back in July of 2021.
Deb followed, and quoted you. I responded
to you, and my world of GW expanded.
We DO have each other's back. Lou

 

A wonderful 25 years with your soul mate Linda. You were made for each other that’s obvious. We’re all different people from what we were as individuals. Robin

 

Thank you , Robin. As much as the grief
over Linda's sudden death is heartbreaking, I'm finally able to
remember our closeness, and humor, as
I told Karen. I would not be the
compassionate man , who is truly
interested in helping other people, had
Linda not been in my life. Lou

 

Hi Karen, in the morning I do stretching exercises on the bed watching cartoons. Daniel Tigers neighborhood was on yesterday morning. Daniel kept saying over and over I’ve never had so much fun in my whole life. Enter Mr Grief. I curled into the fetal position and cried saying sarcastically i’ve never had so much (explicitive) fun in my life. Later that evening before going to bed I took one of the half ladies that Cheryl collected and held it in my hand. I decided that we would watch a couple music videos. The first was “When the levee breaks” by Zeparella. The second was “You make loving fun” by Fleeteood Mac. I pretend the half lady is Cheryl. She dances to the music and I can see her reflection in the video. It is very therapeutic. Today I had the song “I got you babe” by Sonny and Cher on my mind thinking of Cheryl. I felt some peace. Like Robin said they are still with us but in a different way. I liked B’s idea of hanging a garment of our beloved on one of their chairs. We have to cross over into another medium to get those temporary flickers of life. I hope this helps a little. Gary

 

Deb,
We did have such a good time with the egg hunt for Teddy snd Slinky. They had such fun and we couldn’t stop smiling. Teddy happily roamed around finding eggs. Bite on them to open them and found his treat. Slinky would find an egg and run like the wind all around the yard. Their fun brought us life. Thank you for all your kind words and love sent to our 2 little guys.
My family was on extra good behavior. Treating us with love and care. Asking about my most resent signs from Ron and sharing memories. I hope your Easter went well. As good as can be expected at least. The family we’ve become on GIC is the best medicine for how we’re all feeling. The support is always here. And that’s such a blessing and as you put it so comforting!
Teddy would your hugs, he’s a cuddly guy for sure. Sending you much love and hugs. Robin

 

Good Morning GW, last night again I couldn't sleep and went back reading the old posts between Deb, Karen and others that no longer write here. It is somewhat helpful to go back and see your pain and how lonely you were, you are and forever we will never forget our husbands and partners, the memories are always present.... and tears will continue....
My life and family friends that I have never met are here!!!this is the only support that always can reach, you understand this horrible lonely trip that you and I are taking...
I'm always thankful for your comforting words that I know they are genuine. Thanks for listening Helena.

 

Helena, I’m so sorry you’re struggling so much. Sleep comes so hard for most of us. So we as a group know how you’re feeling. I took cbd oil for something else that it didn’t help but it did help a little with sleep. Just sharing something that helped me. You’re so right that the memories are always present. In time they will bring a smile. It takes time though. And as I mentioned with others, the smiles will most likely come with tears too. Going through grief does certainly feel like we’re fighting a battle that goes on and on. Hence our name GW.
The first thing that came to my mind when I read your post was the song. You’ve got a friend in me. I’ll try to add that to this post. No promises I can do it but I’ll try. And I think I can speak for each of us. You’ve got a friend in all of us. Thinking of you and wishing you a better day! Robin

 

Robin, I also like Lean on Me, by the
late Bill Withers. You've Got a Friend,
sung by James Taylor, was played at
Linda's very small funeral. The funeral
director asked me what songs Linda
liked,and I said that was one of them.
He surprised me by playing it. The

couple I had invited, and I, all cried. Lou

 

Lou, How special!! I know it well and just listened to it. Made me cry. Thank you for sharing how the funeral director surprised you by playing it. Lean on me might be more appropriate then You’ve got a friend in me. But that’s what came to mind immediately. Robin

 

Robin,

Thanks for the smiles on a very cloudy day in SC... I LOVE!!! hearing about how much fun you had!!!, TUTTAM!!! Wish so much I could have been there to see Teddy and Slinky look for those eggs, lol!!! That must have been over the top fun to see...

Hope the sun is shining in your corner of the world..., but even if it isn't, hope you have at least one, but hopefully more reasons, to LMSO...

As always, sending you and Teddy lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

Wait, just thought of something I want to ask you. Yesterday when I was getting into my pjs, I felt Bob's presence, the air smelled like Bob, the soap he liked to use. I don't have any of it left in the house. I felt this warm feeling wash over me, and told Bob how much I love him, how glad I was that he was here, with me... It's a comforting, but very bittersweet feeling knowing Bob and Ron, all of our GIC friends' loved ones are watching over us...

 

Robin,

This very beautiful song made me teary eyed, but only in the very best of ways!!!, TUTTAM!!!

Sending more hugs and love to you and Teddy, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB