Does this get easier

Robin, don't feel bad. It's been 19 months since Jack died and I can't listen to any music. He played the 50's, blues, country and classical all the time. We even danced in the living room often. On Mother's Day my daughter took me to a winery that had live music, blues, rock and 50's. I didn't want to go, but did. I choked up since it was the winery Jack and I often attended and listening and watching people dance really got to me bad. I had to fake it to my daughter, but she knew it was hard for me.
It's okay if we can't listen to music now, it's really okay. K

 

Karen, I agree. Everyone grieves differently. I would never push that on
on you , Robin, and other GW, just bc it
works for me, Bernadine, whose husband,
Kenn, was a great musician, or Rose, who
played classical music on the piano, with
her husband, C. I took piano lessons until
I was 15. My folks brought me to art
museums and symphonies, with classical
pianists, and it is part of who I am. Lou

 

Jack loved his music and took piano like you as a young boy. I know if I passed first he would continue his music. He used to put on the head phones and blast the music when it was too loud for me. Or he would blast it without headphones and I would just go into another room. He had 7 boxes of vinyl records I still have dating back into the 60's, some worth money in great condition.
You are fortunate to have parents who made you appreciate music, arts and museums, etc. K

 

Live music does go a little better for me. My daughter got us tickets to see Josh Groban this coming Friday. Same theater, looking forward to it but wish Ron was going too.
Lou, it is important to remember the good times. That’s what feeds us and keeps us going. It takes time to be able to remember those times and not break down.
I think you’ve mentioned visiting Mystic CT. I went there for the first time since Ron passed for what would have been our 45th anniversary last month. It was very emotional but we changed things up a little which helped me and we also visited the zoo in RI. Not sure if you’ve been there or not. But we enjoyed our visits to that zoo many times. Robin

 

Thank you Karen, I think music is difficult for many people. So many emotions are stirred, so many memories surface. I’m sorry you had to fake you were ok at the winery. But I would do the same thing. I enjoyed reading about you and Jack dancing in your living room. Memories that will eventually bring a smile. Ron would sing along as we listened to music and sing to me. We loved music together and it’s just so emotional. In time I’ll be able to listen to music but not right now. Thank you for sharing. Robin

 

Robin, that's exciting about Josh Groban.
Some of our activities will always be
bittersweet. Sometimes, I feel compelled to
talk about Linda---- to strangers---- to explain how we came to live in my town.
Yesterday, a woman , who was friends
with the female singwr, asked if I were a musician. I said no, but I was a promoter
for the cafe, where I met my drummer
friend. I told her about Linda, without
emotion, except to say that the cafe was
only a year old, so Linda never got to see it.
I said that Linda would have loved it.
When we met, I found out Linda had gone
to many concerts before she met me.
Then, we went together. I think we went to
the zoo in R.I., but that state brings back
bad memories. We had sold our house, and were taking a road trip up to Canada, when 9/11 struck. I snapped & became
paranoid about living in a city. Linda was
the practical one, & felt we should move
closer to Boston, so she could work in her
high tech field . I was a delusional asshole,
who wanted to flee to the "Ocean State",
living off the money from the sale of the
house. Linda went along with it, bc she
loved me, in spite of my unrealistic
decisions, due to stress, caused by my
manic depression. I was not stable enough
to get a job . Linda became ill with painful
endometrial cancer , & had to be hospitalized in Providence. I freaked out.
Meanwhile, the money ran out, and wecouldn't pay the rent. Instead of asking
for help, I stupidly insisted we live in our
car, and drive to Florida, where Linda had
to get a job as a waitress. This is horrible
shit, which I had to talk to my grief
counselor about . I was consumed with
guilt, that Linda would still be alive, if
she had married a man without a mental
illness. The therapist, a psychiatric nurse
practitioner, pointed out that Linda had a
blind spot, about helping herungrateful
parents, buying their house in a neighborhood we didn't like, instead of
putting ourselves first. When we were
homeless, we talked to a rough guy , who
told us HIS short "Serenity Prayer"---
"FUCK IT!!!" . We laughed & later used
that phrase, when we were back in
Ma. , with money again. I'm glad that
Linda's last years were spent near the
ocean where she grew up. Lou

 

Oh Lou! What a story. I imagine it’s hard to share all that. You’ve gone through so much. Homeless and living out of your car. I can’t even imagine. But Lou, Linda loved you through thick and thin, sickness and health she was by your side. She wouldn’t want it any different. Linda is a gem and she is your gem. You stood by each other. And just as you were lucky to have her she was lucky to have you. Your story brought me to tears. But it’s also such a moving love story. You’re a good man Lou and a loving caring husband. I’m willing to bet that Linda doesn’t fault you for a single thing. Remember the love, the wonderful times and also the hardships. Most definitely, Linda and Lou’s love story. ❤️ Robin

 

Robin, you brought tears to,my eyes this
sunny, warm July 3., Tomorrow, the
Fourth of July is a joyous holiday, which
is also my birthday. Though it's my 4th
birthday , without Linda. I plan to
celebrate, like I did , as a boy,in a
small,friendly town, like this one. Lou

 

Lou, Let me wish you an early Happy Birthday! Everyone celebrates your birthday and has parades and fire works. Sorry about my typo above. Was supposed the say: Remember the love, the wonderful times and also the hard ships.
I love how you’ll spend your birthday. Linda will be with you. Robin

 

Thanks, Robin. This Fourth is a lot better.
Went to a town bonfire alone, in 2019,
&.hated it. Won't go again, but I will see
parade. In 2020, I fell down in the street
on my birthday. Drank alone in a bar.
No one knew it was my birthday. July,2021
was depressing. I stayed out late, went to
bars, drankmore, and became more lonely.
I finally joined GIC end of July, 2021. Lou

 

Lou, you have so much to tell us. You have come a long way, be proud of yourself.

 

Thanks, Karen. Not bad for an old fart!
With your help, and the veterans, I can
finally laugh at myself, the way Linda
wanted. Lou

 

Hey all just wanted to say happy 4th of July, be safe and enjoy. We are all here for each other, I am doing pretty good. I have signed up for a singles event later this month. One thing Stacey told me before she passed was that she wanted me to move on, find someone new, not sure how hard it will be but I am going try. I know one thing that I'm not the type of person that likes to be alone. I am going to try some dating sites too. I also found a local glioblastoma organization here in ct, I have signed up for one of thier events in September. I'd like to get as much involved as I can. Would love to somehow find employment opportunity with something like that. We will see how things go.

 

Pete, thank you so much for your Fourth of
July greetings. This is a bittersweet day for
me, bc it's also my birthday. I have a choice: to be sad that it is my 4th birthday
without Linda beside me physically, or to
summon up the joy I had as a young boy
on this day, with parades , fireworks, and a
movie. I grew up in a small town by the
sea. Linda grew up in a small city by the
sea. We worked in Boston, but , when it
was time to retire, we returned to the
ocean area where Linda grew up. Last
night , I went to the small town movie
theater, just like the one I went to as a boy.
I was by myself, but I didn't mind. It was
an old movie, 1958, Some Came Running,
with a great cast, starring Sinatra and
Dean Martin. The actresses were beautiful
and classy back then. Linda used to kid me
that I loved actresses , who were now
dead. She was right. I would like to have a
female companion, with whom to walk by
the ocean, cook meals together, or dine in
restaurants. I met another guy , whose
soulmate died 3 years ago. We've become
friends, and hang out on the Neck, our
boardwalk. If I meet a woman, as I told
my brothers on GIC, she would have to
be daytripper from the city. I met one
woman in a bar, when we were both
drinking, but my judgement was poor,
& I "dodged a bullet". When I met Linda at
a party in Boston, we were both sober. I
want that again. Linda had the same talk
with me, that Stacey had with you. Will
like to see you succeed. I wish both of us
good luck, this summer, my favorite season. Lou

 

Lou, Wishing you a special day Happy Birthday! my warrior friend. Sending you virtual Birthday hugs and joy.

 

Wishing you a peaceful and enjoyable birthday Lou!

 

Good morning, Lou
Here’s a little something for you….
~B

 

Lou, you got some great birthday wishes from the warrior gang. I hope you have a very special birthday because you are special. Karen

 

Just discovered it's your birthday, Lou. Wishing you a wonderful, joyful day.
Rose.

 

Love my widow pals, like you, Robin, Helena, Karen, Bernadine, Rose, & more,
as well as my brothers, Gary, George,
Chad, and our newest brother, Pete.
Deb is away, but I'm looking forward to
hearing from her, too. Thank you to
all of you. Lou