10 siblings to 4 a life of trama

Hi
Last month my “Irish twin” passed away. He had cancer and suffered with bipolar. I loved him very much.
10 months earlier my little brother died. He was the joy of my life. He was born blue had birth defects and down syndrome. My mother’s 10th child. Joe was my earliest memory and my sister and I were in charge of him from a freighting early age. He was our child. My sister and I “shared” him our entire life each having him half the year.

I was born into an extremely abusive in every way family due to my father being an evil horrible person. The abuse directly led to 3 of my siblings committing suicide during my high school years. The devil had died by then.
I’ve lost 2 brothers in addition to alcohol.

since Joe I feel I have no purpose. The love for this amazing brother who broke all odds walking at age 7, beating leukemia and other obstacles has broken me.