When is it time

Discussion in 'Dating Again After the Loss of a Spouse/Partner' started by Andrea Howey, Sep 15, 2017.

  1. Andrea Howey

    Andrea Howey Member

    After 4yrs I have decided it was time to redo my bedroom . Turn it into my room , not mine and husbands room . But know the question is What do I do with my husbands stuff ? He doesn't need it no more , nor do I right ? When is it ok to be ok without his stuff . Do you pack it up and put it in the attic or throw it away or sell it in a rummage or donate it to your local Goodwill . Whats the right answer here , I have never been a widower before .
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Andrea, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here...although of course we always want to try and do the "right" thing. I think the "right" thing is whatever is right for you. Some people find the presence of clothes and belongings to be especially painful, while others are comforted by keeping these things for awhile. I think a balance is always a good idea when possible -picking out a few important things that really meant something and putting them someplace special, even on display or some place you can see them, and then donate the rest. Cleaning out is hard, and everything is going to take on its own important meaning once a loved one is gone. Try to think about what your loved one would say, what they would find important (or not so important) and in any way you can let them be your guide. I hope this is a help and I wish you all the best~
    Wanda and Dianne De Mott Levi like this.
  3. Wanda

    Wanda New Member

    I agree, I lost my husband just over a year ago...I have never been a widow before either but there is no time frame or rules on when or how you get rid of your loved ones belongings..that sort of thing you do when YOU feel you are ready, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Keep the things that you want to keep. Remember that he will ALWAYS be in your heart and always with you...that is something that I believe and hang onto. One day at a time..sometimes I do one minute at a time...its the only way I get through.
    griefic likes this.
  4. Andrea, no two people grieve the same way. It's a bit different for each of us because each of us are different. I lost my beautiful wife from BC 4 months ago at only age 52. It's so difficult at times there are just no words to adequately describe it. Some days are okay, not too emotional, others are terrible. It comes and goes, wave-like for many of us it seems. So yes, you have to do what you feel is "right' for you, when the time is right, no matter how long or even if ever. For myself, it helps to know that my wife would want me to go on and enjoy what's left of my life as much as possible. And I would think the same for her. Do what's best for you, and best wishes to you always of course.~
    griefic likes this.
  5. Linda Holst

    Linda Holst New Member

    After 10 months of dealing with the loss of my Steve to Lung Cancer, I realize that I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I miss having company and someone to do somple things with. I miss kisses and hugs and waking up with someone. I miss cooking dinner and talking over everyday events. I have no idea how to date or meet another man. I am 62 years old. I really want someone who is relatively healthy too. After watching Steve die 6 weels after diagnosis, I don't think I can watch another person die. I haven't a clue where this man is or if he exsists.
  6. Hi Linda, so very sorry for your loss as well. I feel the same as you. Carrie was very level-headed and emotionally stable. I consider myself to be the same, but losing a trusted spouse is cataclysmic on a number of levels, as you well know. At 60 and in good health, I know that I don't want to be alone forever either but the country and society have changed so much from when we were younger that it's a bit intimidating to even think about dating again. You never know what sort of person you'll meet out there and if they'll even be sane! LOL! Again, my condolences to you and yours, this is a 10 on the grief scale according to experts, and I always figured I'd go first. And my condolences to Wanda also, we are all "damaged goods" so to speak at this point, but hopefully we can recoup and it doesn't have to remain that way long-term. I'd like to be at least reasonably happy again as well. Peace.~
  7. Vana

    Vana Member

    Hi Linda,
    I know how you feel...
    I'm 64, my husband died in Jan. of a sudden massive heart attack. It's so lonely without him and I'm wondering if this is it.. Hope we both can figure it out.
    All the best, Vana