Firat of all, reading others' stories on here has already been helpful. So, thank you and I hope we all finally find some comfort. I'm new here, just tonight. I have had a really rough week and it came to a head today and I decided that I finally needed to seek support. Seeking support is so foreign and hard for me. I've had to be the "strong" one, my entire life. I was vibrant, fun and very social- until 2 years ago. It started with the loss of my grandpa's sweet 2nd wife (not my blood relation) to cancer. It was hard to see him so grief-stricken. Then, I lost my grandma (his 1st wife) unexpectedly. This loss rocked my world. She was the most amazing, accomplished woman I'd known and she saved me from a dysfunctional family as a child. I owe much of who I am to her and my other grandma. Both women gave me a safe place and encouraged me throughout my life. Still reeling from her death, I lost my other grandma 7 months later. These two were the most devastating losses I had experienced in my 35 years. I thought I'd lose my mind, but I kept pushing myself through life, then in the next 18 months, I went on to lose 5 more close loved ones. Yes. 8 deaths in 2 years. At this point I have PTSD from grief and despite working on this with a great counselor, I just can't seem to see out of this hole. I've had lots of anxiety, but never personally had depression and it's an overwhelming feeling. Like others I've read about here, I feel so alone in a world of people who care about me. I've isolated myself completely, logged off of all social media and have crippling social anxiety now. I have an amazing husband, but I'm so scared of burning him out, because he just can't relate, so I don't talk to him about it much. My immediate family has never been supportive and has gone as far as being hurtful about my grief. Both my husband and I have very religious families and we are not religious. They feel that I should be over this already. I want to work through my grief and gain my life back, before the many people I've dropped out of society on, give up on me. I just can't seem to get over certain hurdles. Everything reminds me of them and I haven't been able to visit one of my grandmother's grave because it's just so raw. I needed to write this. I haven't expressed much of this out of my head. Can anyone relate? Does it ever get easier? Both of my grandmothers were so strong and leaders in their communities. Just as I was making my mark on my community, I was paralyzed with this overwhelming series of losses. I feel that they'd be disappointed over me not fully living my life over the loss of theirs.