Sudden loss of my only sibling, my Brother

Back in 2010 I lost my dad in a very short battle with lung cancer. It destroyed my mom and her health is rapidly declining. Last year my only sibling, my brother, was diagnosised with end stage renal failure but was on diaylsis and the kidney donor list. About 3 weeks ago, Jan 19, 2018 my brother was killed in a very traumatic car accident. He rearended a dump truck at a high speed. I had talked to him 30 min before the accident and when he was not home an hr later and I could not reach him on his phone I knew something was wrong. So I started driving into town to try and find him and came up on the accident after it had happened. The front end of his car was crumbled under the back of the dump truck. I had been driving him for months up till about 1 week prior to the accident cause his health was not great. But he seemed to be doing ok and begged me to please give him some freedom back. I made him promise to call me if he did not feel good and needed me to get him. Now I feel guilty for letting him drive again. I have so many questions that will never be answered. He had been suffering bad from the kidney failure and the investigator has brought up he may have intentionally hit that truck cause there were no signs he used his brakes. But also they said he could have passed out at the wheel. My mom and I will never know. I cant get the images of his car out of my head. I have to drive by the accident site everytime I have to go to town as the accident was only 2 miles from home. I start crying and panicking everytime I see a dump truck now. The accident was so traumatic we were not able to have a wake to say any goodbyes. I have been having to hold it together so my mom wont break down cause she has a heart that is only func at around 30%. All of the stress took a toll on me I guess. I just got out of the hosp yest due to a blood clot in my lung. I dont know how to cope with this. The not knowing what happened, guilt and constantly reliving it in my mind. I know this was alot I just really need some support and guidance on getting thru this.

 

Teresa, I feel your pain. I also lost my only sibling, my brother unexpectedly on February 6, 2018 due to sudden cardiac arrest. He was only 30, just bought a house with his wife of 3 years and their first child is due in June Unfortunately I also am not sure how to cope with this and am like you still in the very early stages of grief but I wanted you to know you are not alone! I am very sorry you have to endure this awful same pain that I have. Break down when you can, I have children and usually wait until we are all in bed and sob into my pillow for hours until I fall asleep.

 

I felt sorry for your loss. I totally feel your pain. Mine just happened almost 3 weeks ago. Bike accident. He lost his brake and the road is very inclined. His face got hit on high walls that are very rough. His forehead got sunk and has many damages on his face. Cause of death is blunt traumatic injury to the head. We are three siblings and he is the second to us. He is the closest to me and we have so many bondings lately before he died. But after that happened, I felt like my life almost disappeared. Everytime I wake up now, I always pray that it was just a dream or a nightmare. And the saddest part is 1 month from now he will have his birthday and christmas is about to come. I don't know what kind of christmas we will celebrate for this year.