Sudden death of my daughter 46 yoa

I'm not sure if I'm doing this correctly, so here I go.
I'm Jackie, 69 yoa, divorced over 20 years and have/had 3 grown adult children. I hate the way I just worded that last sentence. We lost our daughter Nancy suddenly Oct., 14th, she was 46, married/separated with 2 daughters, one 20 and one 18. Nancy's funeral was Oct.24th so it's all so raw. I'll explain the best I can what happened but in a few days, I want to make sure I'm doing this right. I live in a small town with no support for grief let alone much of any other types of support.

Of everything in my life I have had to overcome, this by far is the hardest. I have my moments most days but the nights are the most difficult. I can keep my mind busy all day but since I'm not much of a sleeper the dark to dark hours are endless, especially now that the winter months are here. I'm going to join a bereaved parents group and I'm hoping it will help little by little because I can express my feelings and they "get it" where I don't have to explain everything.
I talked to my friend Mary of 32 years last night as she lives down the hall. I told her about a woman who said to me, "at least you have 2 sons left". I told Mary how much that hurt and Mary said that I do have my son's, Tears welled up and I told her so what part of Nancys life do I ignore, dismiss or better yet I could say to you which of your two kids are you willing to lose? It shocked her and she said neither one, I said exactly. I know it's a statement from well meaning people but until it is explained how much it hurts it will continue to be a misguided form of solace that does not help in any way.
I thank you for allowing me to join and my condolences to all of you.

 

I know
I lost my daughter 1 year ago to suicide