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Still floundering......

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by ConnieB, Jan 13, 2017.

  1. ConnieB

    ConnieB New Member

    I am floundering still because my mother passed away 4 years ago, my daughter 2 yrs. ago, and my husband 7 mos. ago. I never was able to recover from my first loss before more came into my life. I am eternally grateful for my faith in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He has cupped me in His hands through these past years and kept me mentally secure in His care. His love has been exhibited to me by family, friends, and nature. I call those special moments God Hugs not coincidence because His timing is perfect. Through reading my devotions I am reminded to live each day as it comes although I do plan about 4 to 5 months out, but ask God's will be done. Living each day as it comes has helped and at the end of the day I thank God for seeing me through it. The pangs of grief hit at unusual times as I am sure you have experienced and those are rough moments to get through. Hope gets me through because some day we will all be joined together again in God's presence and will experience true Joy which I haven't experienced for a long time. Maybe someday on this side in Heaven - Lord only knows. May peace guard your hearts and minds through our Lord Jesus Christ.
     
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  2. Joanne Weinbrom

    Joanne Weinbrom Active Member

    My heart breaks for you having to endure so many losses. I lost my mom 1 week ago and I know my life will never be the same. Just know others share in your grief and we will get support from each other
     
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  3. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    I couldn't agree more Joanne, and that's exactly what we're here to help with. There is so little that brings comfort after the loss of a loved one. The only thing I've seen truly make a difference is when grievers spend time with other grievers. Finding support, getting validation for all they're going through and all the "strange" feelings and thoughts that come with grief, and simply finding out....you're not alone. If there is anything you need, please us know. And please take care...
     
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  4. Bunky

    Bunky New Member

    I lost my father and buried him on his 90th birthday,,,,dec. 22 and then in june I went to florida to handle some of his affairs for a week. When I got back my wife of 25 yrs met me at the airport and told me she had numbness in her face and arm. So we went directly to the emergency room. They found a large cancer in her lung and 3 spots on her brain. When I left she had a fitbit and hiked every day. She ate the healthiest of anyone I know. That was June 9th and the begining of our fight. We ended up going to
    Cancer treatment center of America in Philly after her first round of radiation. I wanted the best I could get. It was brutal there because she went into there icu and we spent the next 3 weeks in icu....the one person I cant live without passed away on august 6th the day before my birthday. I keep saying how do you live without the person you cant live without......I told the lord if we couldn't beat this to take her quickly and not to make her suffer. I could take the pain of losing her if she didn't suffer. He granted my prayer but I don't know if I can live up to my end of the deal. She was my hero my best friend and my world....and always will be....
     
  5. Joanne Weinbrom

    Joanne Weinbrom Active Member

    Bunny, I am so so sorry for your pain, I can only imagine how hard it must be. Try to take care of you now, that is what your wife would want
     
  6. Joanne Weinbrom

    Joanne Weinbrom Active Member

    I meant Bunky..so sorry for misspelling
     
  7. Joanne Weinbrom

    Joanne Weinbrom Active Member

    I meant Bunky..so sorry for misspelling
     
  8. Judith

    Judith New Member

    Bunny, I'm grieving four losses in one year! I'm barely treading water at this point. Your loss is brutal but all I could feel is envy of your beloved wife. Nobody ever loved me that way. She was the luckiest woman on earth to have had a man adore her the way you did! I'm just in awe of your ability to love so intensely, therefore your grief must be equally intense! I do feel your pain because I'm a kindred spirit. I have loved equally deeply and never imagined the depth of pain that I would feel as punishment when my lover departed !!! It's gripping. I pray that we both find peace and soon feel relief from this grief that overwhelms us... and I'm confident it will dissipate at some point!!! There's a sun that shines on us every day.... We simply must begin to feel its warmth. And we will !!!
     
  9. Bunky

    Bunky New Member

    thanks for all the kind words they were a comfort. I have had problems with computer that's why I'm just answering. Just got it up on the 9 mos. anniversary of my wifes passing. Odd happenstance. checked emails and saw these comforting words. Thank u all so much. Came at exactly the right time.
    still struggling but learning how to cope a little better..I have been trying to clean out my wifes vanity for 9 mos. Every time I try I get overwhelmed and give up. Third time was the charm ....I got thru it yesterday and feel a big relief , not just that its done, but that I made myself do it. I take it as a sign of improvement. I will share a thought I had about my wife on the anniversary of her passing....I loved her the first time I saw her , the last time I saw her , and I will love her when I see her again on the other side.....
     
  10. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    To everyone coping with multiple losses, we have just today published a blog on how to cope...specifically for those who have experienced so much loss and change. You'll find it under our "Resources" tab- I hope that it can be a help to you. Please take care~
     
  11. Lost Chelle

    Lost Chelle New Member

    Hello there I am new to this site. Let me tell you a little about myself.....right now I am a mess. I am a licensed counselor who needs to figure out her life without her mother. I lost my mother on December 8, 2017 to Multiple Sclerosis which she had for 18 years. She was only 69 years old and I am an only child and she was my best friend. She has been there for me through thick and thin and that is no exaggeration. Recently, I got a new job working at the department of corrections as a substance abuse counselor, which is really cool, however, I found my excitement disappearing quickly as I found myself picking up my phone and trying to call my mom. On top of this my husband (second marriage for me) of almost a year, has trauma issues in his past and he is an alcoholic recently had a blackout episode from drinking and his rage from his traumas. He was trying to get the cops out to our house to have them shoot him. It took everything I had to keep the cops from coming out as I knew I could NOT have his death on "my head." Since then he has stopped drinking but his issues have come up more and more. He has been reluctant to work on the issues and to see his counselor. Last night it blew up again, though at least he was sober, and he is telling me that I have "set everything up and this is what I want." For him to leave. Not true despite our issues however, I realize now that I still need to grieve my mother's loss and now possibly my husband. I am struggling with lots of grief, his as well as mine. He became very close to my mother as she became his "mother" that he never had and when she passed we had issues because of my grief and his and my needing someone there for me. I did figure some things out and got through that part of my grieving, however, I feel completely lost, abandoned, and mostly a complete failure in my life. I have struggled with depression all my life and even though I am aware of it, I am struggling not to go back into the dark. That is why I joined this group. I feel like a total failure, and an island unto my own and I know this is not a good place for me to be, especially since I have a nearly 11 year old daughter that has gone through this blackout with my husband and was very close to her grandmother. Is there anyone who can relate to this?