Spouse trying to support and grieve at the same time.

My wife lost her mother suddenly about a month ago and is having a rough time of it. This was someone I also cared very deeply for and spent much time with.

I don't even know how to express my feellings or feel it is safe to. My wife is like a wild card with random sudden bouts of anger or sad or grumpy. There are times she seems fine but its only skin deep. I feel like I am not allowed to have my own feelings because I'd have to let my guard down to even notice them which is not safe to do. I feel I am still in the trenches, wooden sword in hand and a pan for a helmit either running damage control or referree for our children (mainly our 15yr old son) who often finds himself the target of some over the top reactions from his mother.

In one of her more grounded moments she asked if he was sad about his grandmother passing. Mind you he was at her bedside with Mom when they administered "comfort care" and took the resparator offline.

His reply was "You're taking center stage"

Two days ago I had to draw the line. For my own sanity and the children's. Even in mourning there has to be some level of conduct. She is running around like a ball of lightening striking at random. Nothing physical ever, but words hurt too.

I can't even begin to think about my own feelings, my son has told me the same thing in this situation. When do we get to let our guard down to mourn without fear of being stung??

My 6 yr old Daughter seems to be doing the best. She is sad at times but mostly her actions say I want to be a kid now..

 

i just lost my mother on the 5th. if i may . . . it sounds like you all need to go somewhere quiet (in the country maybe) and just scream. Scream, crying, tear up the grass. you have to get all that out or it bottles and gets worse. beileve i tried that. when that bottle broken the things coming out of my mouth. although no one blames me, i feel horrible for yelling at my sister like that. it's not a sudden cure. it just helps a little.