Hello I'm new here and been trying to help find ways to help the loss of my children. My town I live in doesn't have a support group for it. I go to counciling once a week also but it's not the same to find someone who knows your pain. I don't exactly have the most common situation but I have found its one that no one talks about. On July 29th 2016 I was in a parking lot of a food store having pains I had been having for a day and a half and didn't know what it was. I was 5 months pregnant with twins. Indentical twin boys. They were healthy but growing quite faster then they should have been. I started leaking fluid and was rushed to the er. I sat in the er for a min as I was pushed aside waiting for someone to help me. Crying and leaking in a hard wheelchair. I finally got wheeled up to labor and delivery and was being pushed into my room when my water broke in the chair. I got undressed and in the bed. The nurse had put a contraction monitor on and walked away. I had been yelling and asking to be flown to the more experienced hospital I had been going to with my pregnancy for the past two months and they said we have to make sure your stable enough before we do that. Well 2 hours went by as I sat alone. The ultra sound tech came in and did her job I saw my boys alive moving around only on sac had popped. Then they checked my dilation with a metal speculum and said I'm sorry but your kids head is ready to pop out. I could only sit and cry and cry as it started to soak in. I delivered my first boy and I was still crying. They wrapped him up and put him in my arms. He moved and made a slight cry. And before I knew it he was gone. Right before my eyes. Half hour later my other son was coming he was born breach and got stuck. I pushed him out and same thing happen. I had both my boys in my arms for 45 min. Just crying. Feeling helpless. Feeling cheated. I now suffer from severely bad ppd and ptsd. I'm on meds and trying to cope. I'm lost this was my first pregnancy. My twin boys I had cremated and they sit in my living room. Recently every where I turn I have ran into a women who's lost a child but can't talk about it.