My Guardian Angels

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by MissAdalay, May 6, 2018.

  1. MissAdalay

    MissAdalay Member

    I am a 20 year old female. My grandpa (on my mom's side) and I have always been very close with one another. I always looked up to him. He used to watch my sister and I after school until my parents got home, so I pretty much grew up with him as well. My grandma (mom's side) died 100 days before I graduated kindergarten. At the time, I didn't think much of it because, well, I was five years old. I miss her often and I find it hard to remember her sometimes. Bits of memories come and go, but I still love her. My grandpa, on the other hand, was with me until I was 18. My grandmother never got to see me graduate K-5, so I just wanted my grandpa to see me graduate high school. All my life, he would say to me how he wanted me to go far in life and graduate high school and go to college and make a life of myself. He always wanted so much for me and my sister. My grandpa, Billy Joe, had battled COPD for many, many years. I watched him battle it my entire life, until eventually I started realizing his fate. The last few days of his life were the hardest for me. I saw him 3 days before he passed away and he was doing just fine. He was earing, laughing, loving... And it all ended. He had a heart condition known as AFIB and on his last day of life, he sat up to use the bathroom and his heart stopped. He died sitting on the edge of his bed in the comfort of his home. Many years after my grandmother passed, he found a lady we went to church with, named Doris. They lived together and loved each other very much. She was the one who called my mother to rellcher something was wrong. When my mother got to his house, he was dead. He died around 7am. I was at school. The entire day, I had chest pains. I didn't know why, but my chest was hurting so bad. I had to go to work that night, so I did. I had texted my mother after school and said "How's Pa doing?" And she replied, "He's better." I didn't realize she meant he was in a better place. I got home that night and my mom and sister were laying down in my mom's bed. I walked in the room, looked at them, and I could immediately tell something was wrong. My mom said "He didn't make it..." I wasn't the same for a very long time. I constantly texted his cell phone, waiting for a response in which I never received. I texted his phone usually 3 times a day for a few months. I did not want to attend his funeral, because I knew it would solidify the situation, but I also knew he would want me to, so I did. As we left the funeral, I put my hand on his casket and said my final goodbye. My grandfather passed away on May 11th, 2016, and I graduated June 12th, 2016. Exactly one month before. All I wanted was for him to see me graduate. Unfortunately, he didn't get to...
    After he passed, I started relying heavily on his girlfriend, whom I considered a grandmother. I wanted her to see me graduate for him. She passed away 2 weeks later. She died on June 1st, 2016, and I firmly believe she died of heartbreak. I didn't realize she died until I walked in my mom's room and my sister was laying with her again. I joked around and said, "Haha! Who died?" And they just looked at me and said, "Doris..." I shut myself in my room and didn't come out. I shut myself in my mind and didn't come out. I didn't want to have anything to do with anyone after they passed and to some extent, I still don't. I mean, it's been almost 2 years to the date. Why can't I get over this? I need help.
     
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  2. Mona15

    Mona15 Member

     
  3. Mona15

    Mona15 Member

    Hi
    Miss Adalay, I'm sorry for your loss of your Grandfather and his Girlfriend I'm having a hard time with the loss of my Nephew who was murdered in 2014 And my Son-in-law in 2015 to cancer . My Nephew was 31 and was taken from his 5 children And my Son-in-law was 36 and he left behind My Daughter and my 4 Grandchildren I have gone through a lot of loss in my life I'm 58. And the loss of my Nephew and Son-in-law put me in a deep depression that I ended up in a facility in 2017 and put on medication for depression I'm doing better since I found this support group.
     
  4. MissAdalay

    MissAdalay Member

    Mona15, I'm terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your damilf members. Death is a hard thing to cope and understand. I'm still trying to understand it, and I don't believe I ever will. I find that it gets easier for me as I talk about my experiences with death. I have been dealing with anxiety and depression since I was 8 years old, and it comes and goes depending on what's happening in my life. I was so broken after my grandfather passed away, then shortly after, 8 more people I know died due to car crashes, drowning, and even suicide. I've never been a part of a support group, so this is a new experience for me.
     
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