Loss of a mother

Hello everyone, I am new to this forum and am so thankful I have found a place where people can understand the pain I am going through. I just lost my motherMarch 23rd so the pain is still very raw. We talked that morning before I left for work and she seemed fine. 4 pm that afternoon she was gone,she was having problems with mucus buildup in her throat they had given her a little morphine and she was gone. She lived in her own home, I lived right beside her for 30 years. We were inseparable, I am 61 she was 99. I was planning a 100 th birthday celebration for her July 18th. The pain I am feeling is indescribable, I lost my real father and my stepfather but they were mild compared to this loss. I was never married and have no children so she was my life. My life has ended as I know it. No one can ever prepare you for the pain of losing your mother. 61 years of having her as a constant and now she is gone. I just want her to send me a sign of something letting me know she is alright and is still here for me. Thanks for listening

 

Hello Joanne,

 

Hello Joanne, I too am new here, and your letter resonated with me, I am so very sorry for your loss, it is deeper than mine,
I still have a living parent, however that does not mean I don't understand the deep bond you shared with your mother. My
father passed, and all I have left is my mother, she is my link to sanity in a crazy world. I lost my father almost 2 yrs. ago, &
she was my rock. People are in a hurry for us to be fine and steamroll through our grief. Do not let them push you too fast,
All of a sudden we are supposed to be all better in 2 weeks. Please! Nobody can feel your feelings but you, and let no person try and put a timeframe on your healing, they did that to me and I had to go around pretending I was fine or I was ignored
It's crazy how fast Americans are supposed to get over it, Europeans have the right Idea. I am Wendy

 

Thank you for your reply, unless you loose a parent you are close to you cannot even imagine the depth of pain one goes through, it is like someone cut your heart out, I sleep extra long, the world is too painful now

 

Hi Joanne,
I am new to this forum and need some help desperately. I loss my mother early Saturday morning. So it was yesterday that my world changed. My kids were getting ready to visit her this summer . She lived in New York and I am in Florida. I received that devastating call at 4am that my mom had past in her sleep. After the crying and screaming, I had to immediatley get on a plane, go straight to the morgue and identify her body and then to the funeral home. I feel like this is a dream. I want to wake up and everything is ok. My mom was not sick right now and she was only 61. The medical examiner told me today she had a heart attack in her sleep. My children are a mess so I spend most of the time consoling them. I'm feeling loss, depressed, hurt, abandoned, sick, confused. I don't know how to begin to heal.

 

Hi Ellen,

Thank you so much for your kind words and inspiration. I am truly torn apart but very grateful that she went in peace and did not suffer. I broke down several times today. I believe as the shock is wearing off, reality is setting in that she is really gone. Mother's Day is around the corner and I can't imagine how I'll make it. Death is a part of life, that is a certainty but it's still so hard to deal with. I am trying to focus on the fact that she's not in pain and she is at rest but it's so hard. I just want my mother back. It is going to be a daily healing process. I hope the kind words from this community will get me through this.

 

Andrea,

I am so so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. I lost my mom March 23rd and it was sudden even though she was older. I believe it does not matter the age, if it was sudden or after long illness the death of your mother hits you hard. I do believe the grieving process is also a healing process, have spells where you let it all out, afterwards you will feel an inner strength, a strength I believe you mom has given you, because you see now I believe she is always with you now in spirit and all you have to do is talk to her whenever you want. We are not meant to understand the spirit world but it does exist all around us and journal you feelings also. Keep coming back we understand

 

Hi Joanne,

Thank you. Yes you are right! It doesn't matter how old they are, you are never ready to lose your mother. Thank you for the advice. I am trying to find something to help me with the grief. Sharing with people who understand is so very helpful. I will eventually start a journal but the pain is too much right now. I am hoping to find a book that will help give me some peace. A book about loss and things to do to try and move on. I will never stop missing her or mourning but I need a way to be able to function daily and not sink into a deep depression. Once again, thank you for your kind words.

 

Thank you Ellen! I will reach out daily. I need the support. One would never know how the comfort of strangers can help so much.

 

Hi Ellen,

Funny you mentioned Amazon as I ordered two books last night. I'm not sure if either of them are the ones you mentioned but I will definitely check them out. I couldn't find any immediate groups in my area which is how I ended up on here. I'll definitely keep looking. Talking about it with strangers and getting it out is so helpful. I can't do it home as I am trying to be strong for the kids. The best thing is that I've had a close loss before when my grandmother (my moms mom) passed away also suddenly. I didn't handle it well. I tortured myself inducing more grief. I'm older and wiser now so I have a better understanding of how important it is to get help. This group has been helping me, exsoecially you. Thank you for your support. I will definitely check those books out and look for a local support group. I'll keep you updated. Please stay in touch.

 

It's been a hard few weeks. It's amazing how quickly people expect you to heal. I go to call her often and the tears start immediately! No one can tell me how long I should grieve! That was my mom, my friend, my everything! Mother's Day is approaching and I'm scared I'm going to fall a part. I just want a sign that she is okay and at peace to give me some comfort .

 

Hey Aundrea, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my mother-in-law, but really always more of a real mother to me than my own mother, on May 31, 2016. Then, I tragically lost my 26 year-old son to an accidental heroin overdose (it was laced with Fentanyl). In one way, I was thankful that
Ro-Ro (Rosemary was her real name) was going to be heaven, in peace, with Joey. But in another way, I certainly could have used her support after losing Joey. She would have been such a good thing for me over this last year. But overall, I am glad they are both no longer in pain and suffering with their different problems.

Anyway, while I am sad to say the I personally have never had that close relationship with my real mother, I did get nearly 21 years of a close mother/daughter relationship with Ro-Ro.

Take care.

Phyllis

 

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Hi Ellen. I'm 61 and just lost my best friend and mom in October. I also lived right beside her but had to move in with her as she cognitively declined. She was my life also. I am married but never had children but I was always closer to her than anyone. She almost made it to 96 and wanted to have a 100th birthday party. I wish I had words of advice but I'm struggling myself. I too feel I've lost my life. I have a therapist which helps but was hoping to find a support group maybe that would be something you could look into.