Losing myself to substance abuse

Discussion in 'Loss from Substance Abuse' started by Josh Stevens, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. Josh Stevens

    Josh Stevens New Member

    Its heartbreaking reading the stories of grieving parents. I am not a parent but I am a mother-less son who has not quite lost yet, though I don't know if I'm getting any better. I feel I have grown up missing some of the important lessons. I really want to beat this... I hope I can summon courage from some of you. I wish I could feel the love that I am so missing in my life, to which I have spun into the dark unforgiving world of substance abuse. I never wanted to be this way. I am so overwhelmed trying to keep my life together. Goals seem like unclimbable mountains. Maybe your children felt like this as well. Does anyone have any words of wisdom??
     
  2. CeeCee

    CeeCee New Member

    Dear Josh, I would like to communicate with you. I'll be as kind as I possibly be and still make my point. Youre going to lose your life if you continue the substance abuse. You can't win. Dont think you are different so it won't kill you. Because it will. This past week I suffered a loss to heroin. Someone I sacrificed everything to keep him clean. Even when your intentions are to get clean it might not be enough. Do it while you have an ounce of control left. He crossed a line and he died. Death is a reality Josh. I know that sounds dramatic. But, I'll say it again. Death is a reality and it can be inevitable.
    CeeCee
     
  3. Josh Stevens

    Josh Stevens New Member

    Hi CeeCee and thank you for replying to my post! I'm so sorry to hear of your loss :( Although I'm not dead yet I have had many days where I have not been living. You are absolutely right, having intentions to get clean isn't always enough. I always think I'm doing well and making progress until I have a relapse.. and then I'm like have I even been getting better this whole time or just getting worse?

    Yes, death is a reality. Also, the recovery rates for all of us is abysmal, the odds are not in our favor - thats also a reality. I can't even begin to put into words how depressing it is to try to overcome something with every best effort and determination only to succumb to self defeat.

    I'm still trying, I haven't given up yet. I would very much like to have a meaningful life that I can truly enjoy and feel fulfilled with. But you know what, sometimes I think to myself how many more years of lifes bullshit am I going to have to continue to endure? Not everyone gets dealt a hand that they can win.