It Does Get Easier

The first year has come and gone. My aches and pains have subsided. I am still fatigued and there is not enough joy or fun in my life, but I don't cry as much. I was married to a wonderful, complicated (who isn't?) human who died at 59 years old from Cardiac Arrest. He passed a year and a half ago and I can sit here and have a more objective view of our life together, accept that it is over, and at the same time, be grateful that I am and will be OK. I enjoy looking out the window at the birds and nature, giving my mind and soul a rest. It takes a lot of energy to manage all of the household responsibilities, make countless decisions, and to feel and process all of my feelings. During the first year everything seemed so hard. Then, this year the numbness and shock wore off which left me feeling more alone, and at the same time, much more capable to handle the business of living MY LIFE each day. I became much better at taking care of myself. A 3 day solo retreat to be alone and cry /rest and cry / rest was one of the best things I did for myself. I limit what I am willing to do for others. I protect my time and what I do with it. I take very, very good care of myself. If I don't, who will?

 

Dear Judy:
Perfectly stated! You and I live in the same world for sure. I spent my entire life so far, taking care of everyone and everything other than me. And after losing both parents and my only daughter 15 years ago, and going through the grief process, I decided to live for me. I also finalized my divorce this past June, which was very hard, but I'm much better now. I was with him for 25 years, married for 19. Most of which there was emotional abuse, which changed the person I always was. When I found out that he was having an affair for nearly 10 years, I called my lawyer and started the wheels in motion.

And like you....yes, the first year or so for everything was very hard. And then the pain started to subside. I learned how to say "no." And after working 40+ years for 60-70 weekly, I decided to retire last year and enjoy life more. Looking back, it was the right decision for sure. I volunteer several days weekly, I've traveled several places on my own (which was glorious), I write in my journals and basically I do what I want.

I've lost quite a bit in my life and I never thought I would be living out the last chapter alone, but you know what? I've found something that I never thought I would have again. Inner peace and contentment. Can't put a price on that.

We are strong, independent and resilient women and for sure....we're survivors.

Take good care fellow New Yorker!

Ellen