I lost my partner

Discussion in 'LGBT Loss' started by Nugget, May 1, 2018.

  1. Nugget

    Nugget New Member

    Hi
    Im nugget. Your probably wondering why nugget, thats what my beautiful fiancee would call me. She passed march 5, 2018 from brain cancer. Everyday i struggle, just not being able to look into her eyes. She was my everything and i honestly dont know what to do with her. She was the love of my life. We were going to get married the year she was diagnosed. I dont have anyone to talk to that understands how i feel. Her family never really accepted the fact we were together. They only did because thats what she wanted. She has a daughter that we raised together. I love her like shes mine. My partners mom wont let me see her. This is literally the hardest thing ive ever done in my life. The future i once dreamed of is no longer and im so afraid. Ive come here for help..no one understands how i feel because im lesbian grieving my fiancee.

    Nugget
     
  2. Dawynn

    Dawynn New Member

    Nugget,

    I sincerely hope that you will be able to see your daughter soon. The loss of both is cruel. I do understand the immensity of laying down at night without the familiar smell and warmth of the love of your life.
    When my mother died years ago I had a very difficult time including a sort of existential crisis that drastically changed my relationships to other people in my life, and to life itself. I am afraid of the grief to come as well, and the grief that rushes or creeps out (without warning). My thoughts are the arms of an octopus that flail around. I'm very good at providing distractions, but at the end of the day - my love is gone, and I have no idea how to reach and I feel I need to know if she is 'okay' - whatever that means.
    I don't want to 'get better' or recover because that means that I am moving away from her somehow. I cannot tolerate that thought.