I lost my mom from copd

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Ginger, Aug 5, 2016.

  1. Ginger

    Ginger New Member

    My mom suffered from copd for 7 years. She was a very strong woman of God . She was my best friend. It's been a year and I'm still struggling with this loss. I'm doing this alone because no one understands, which makes it worse. There are good days and there are bad days but, knowing she's not struggling to breath is comforting. I miss her much
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Ginger, thank you for being here and sharing your story. The loss of a parent is so significant, and I think so often overlooked. In working with people who have suffered the loss of a parent, I find they seek support as the people around them don't seem to understand while they're "still" so sad, weeks and months later. The fact is, our parents are our first loves. They guide us and support us, and we often don't realize the safety and comfort their presence provides until they are no longer here. There is no timeline for grief and it sound like you not only lost your mother but your dearest friend. I'm glad you've found our site and I'm hoping you can find people here who can share, understand, and offer support. I wish you all the best...
     
    Glenna likes this.
  3. Melanie W

    Melanie W Member

    Ginger- I am so sorry for your loss! I was very close to my mom as well and I was devastated when she developed Dementia/Alzheimers. She died in October of 2015, but had suffered with Dementia for two years prior. I feel like I lost her before she died because her disease changed her so much. But like you, I am comforted that she is not suffering anymore. I believe as Griefic said that our parents really are our first loves. Maybe because losing a parent is supposed to be a "natural progression" in life, many people just think we should move on. But it doesn't make it any less painful. Especially, when you had a close/best friend relationship. I think we were both blessed to have that relationship, but it hurts that much more! I will be thinking and praying for you. It is okay to grieve. I am learning that! But yes, I too, experience people not quite understanding. It is hard!
     
  4. Molim

    Molim New Member

    Hugs to you Ginger. I lost my mum last month.......
     
  5. Mark

    Mark New Member

    Ginger - I just lost my mom 12 days ago from CoPD / Congestive heart failure. I have been her full time caregiver for 3 years and she was on Hospice for 6 weeks. My mom was also my best friend and we were very close. This is the darkest place I have been to and I just can't bear the thought of it being no better in a year. I start a Bereavement Support Group next week. Do you think they help?
     
  6. Chris G

    Chris G New Member

    Ginger I know how you feel. I lost my mother to Ovarian Cancer almost 2 years ago. There are days I do good, and others were I'm extremely angry at everything!!! I'm 31 years old and there are times I still want to call my mom to just say hey, or tell her the new things her granddaughter is doing.
     
  7. Ellen C

    Ellen C Guest

    Hi Ginger:
    Sadly, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my Mom in May of 2015 from COPD and Congestive Heart Failure. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2006, had 1/3 of her lung removed and survived nearly 9 years, which is longer than expected. However in October of 2014 her COPD quickly went from Stage 2 directly to Stage 4. Her quality of life diminished to such a point, where I had to get live-in help for her and then finally towards the end- hospice care. Because she lived more than 3 hours away from me and I was still working full time, I traveled to be with her every weekend, taking off Friday's to spend extra time with her. I was also going through a divorce at the same time.
    The end was extremely hard, for her and for me as well. She was in a wheelchair, on oxygen 24/7 and could only eat her food in liquid form. She experienced mental confusion, lost a lot of weight and was really not the Mom I knew and loved dearly for so many years. I made sure one of the last things I told her is how much I loved her and she made me promise that I would be OK and build a happy life for myself. Although there were many years that we had our differences, I know in my heart that she died knowing how much she meant to me.

    So yes, I absolutely do understand exactly how you feel. Do we ever get over the pain of losing our Mom? No, not ever.
    I think we just learn to live with it and continue on with our lives as best we can. Mostly I try to live my life to honor my Mom and do things that I know would make her proud. It's an ongoing struggle, particularly during the holiday season. I draw on the many wonderful memories that I have of my Mom and all the time we spent together throughout the years. I have no regrets at all. Only that I no longer have her with me. However she's always in my heart.

    I hope you find comfort and peace and the strength to live your life.

    Take care~ Ellen
     
    griefic likes this.
  8. LauRae

    LauRae Member

    Ginger

    My mother died from congestive heart failure in 2011. My brother comma my dog and I we're all with her in the nursing home through the end.

    Sorry about your mom. I know how much it can hurt. I hope you find more comfort.
     
  9. Glenna

    Glenna New Member

    Sorry for your loss...my mom passed this Christmas. .they told us 6 months she died the day i brought her home..lucky enough to have been able to surprize her with the house decorated for Christmas and i also filled the house with flowers..itcwas beautiful. .only one day...didnt seem real..we had been fighting a hard fight against radiation poisoning for 10 mths...i never saw it coming still in shock...my mother ..my best friend...
     
  10. ValerieGayle

    ValerieGayle New Member

    Hi Ginger, my mother passed away May 21, 2016 from CHF and COPD. The doctors kept telling me she could get better, so hospice wasn't fully involved until the last day she was alive. My fear is that she suffered before she finally passed, suffered more than she should have. She kept telling the doctors she just wanted to be made comfortable and was done fighting, but they wouldn't call in hospice, not until she was fully unconscious. I miss her terribly. Some days are good and some days are bad. I am her only child so I also need to figure out what to do with her house.
     
  11. Ellen C

    Ellen C Guest

    Dear Valerie:
    My Mom passed away May 4, 2015, also from CHF and COPD. She survived lung cancer surgery for 9 years, but as you may now know, COPD is a progressive disease that comes in stages and there is no cure. I know how you feel, believe me. Even though I have a younger sibling, I was always the one to take care of Mom. My sister could never be bothered, which is why we are now permanently estranged.

    I made the very hard decision to involve hospice about 4-5 months before my Mom died. She was always a very independent woman and even more so after my Dad died 12 years ago. He had mesothelioma and was gone in less than 2 months. It was horrible. I helped her deal with that and then I forced her to get a Pet scan because she had smoked for many years before quitting. Unfortunately she didn't quit soon enough and she needed to have 1/3 of her lung removed. She did fairly well until October of 2014 and then everything went downhill. I watched her quality of life diminish to the point where she was in a wheelchair and I needed to get full time live in help. I was working FT then and my Mom lived in NJ and I live in NY. It was a 3 1/2 hour trip. I was there every Friday-Monday until she died. When it got to the point that she needed oxygen, I decided to involve hospice. Not only do they make the patient comfortable, but they are also there for the family to lend support. Sadly, from what you communicated in your post, it sounds as if your Mom's doctor was operating from a financial standpoint only. You never get better from COPD and he certainly knew that. If anyone was negligent, it was her doctor.

    Please don't beat yourself up and feel guilty and think that your Mom suffered. Could she have been a bit more comfortable? Well, I won't lie...probably so. But you did the best you possible could. What is most important is that you were present and she knew that you loved her.

    It's hard to lose a loved one, but especially hard to lose your Mom. It's something that stays with you forever, because a piece of your heart is gone. And yes, you will have good days and bad ones. I experience them as well. And in the beginning some of those days were paralyzing, but as time goes on, your coping mechanism improves and it's a bit easier to get thru the days and start living again. Holidays and birthdays are always difficult, and I've learned to accept that fact and just prepare myself ahead of time. However I made a promise to my Mom the night before she died. She wanted me to be OK and she wanted me to be happy. And I always do my best to keep the promises I make.

    I'm sure your Mom would want the same for you.

    Peace and strength to you in getting there. Hang in there!

    Ellen