This July will be the 6th anniversary of my dad’s sudden death from a heart attack. I found him on the bathroom floor, about 2 hours after he had died. I tried to revive him not realizing he was already gone. I have terrible flashbacks to that night- I see the swirling ambulance lights in the darkness, I remember the sound my sister made when I called to tell her what had happened. I moved to another place after that and my husband deployed to Afghanistan. I was left alone with our 3 young children. I spent zero time working through my grief or what happened to me that awful night. I feel like a huge part of me died that night as well. I still don’t sleep well. I can’t concentrate. I pretty much just pass through my days ina fog. I can’t seem to pull my life together- on the outside it looks like I have. But inside I feel empty, confused, abandoned. My husband tried to leave me after his deployment. I can’t forgive him for what he put me through after my dad died and he offered me no support. 6 years have dragged on. My girls keep me going, but not a day goes by that I don’t miss my dad and feel complete devastation over the things he isn’t here for. My heart is just broken and I don’t know how to fix it.
Hi AprilM, I am a new member here and wanted to comment on your post. I am very sorry for the loss of your dad. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. I’m also sorry about your husband. It is difficult at times for our loved ones to understood how we grieve after a death in the family, huh? I lost a close friend of mine to cancer and congestive heart failure about 3 weeks ago. It was sort of expected as she had been getting extremely worse these past few months, but nothing can prepare a person for the loss of a loved one. My parents and friends have been supportive, but sometimes I feel that they don’t fully understand how I feel. I understand how you feel about feeling empty and sad. I often feel that way as well. Your dad would not want you to be so sad I am sure, which is easier said than done. Does it help to look at pictures of him? Or play some of his favourite music? Do you find it difficult to talk about him to friends or acquaintances, or easy? It is important to recognize your grief and work on those feelings that you are experiencing. It is very easy to try and distract yourself from them, or put them away if you don’t feel like working through them at the moment. But that may lead to you feeling worse and even more burdened. How old are your girls? I am glad that you have them there with you. Have you tried counselling or therapy at all? Consider the different kinds (group, private) and choose the best for you. Also remember that it may take finding the right counsellor or therapist that best suits your needs - don’t be discouraged if you have to go through one or two to find the right one for you! I am sorry I don’t have more advice for you, I am new to this website as I mentioned, but I thought I would try my best to write something to you. I still feel sad about my friend but it is nice to know that there are people out there that are feeling the same way I am. Take care, OnceUponATime28
