My dad passed away last Tuesday at the age of 66. I am 28 years old and had recently moved back in with my parents in November due to a new job. Looking back now, what I thought would be an inconvenience turned out to be a huge blessing, because for the past 7 months I have spent a lot of time with my parents. I have always been close with them. I am an only child and my parents have been with me through everything. My dad has never taken good care of himself. We have begged and begged him (sometimes to the point of being in tears) over the years to go to the doctor, because he was having some lung issues that were scaring us. He never went. I think he has been in denial about any illness he might have had and was too stubborn to admit that there was something wrong. We think he was worried about not being able to work anymore...his job was physically taxing but it was his passion and it gave him life. He told us more than once that if he retired, he was sure he would shrivel up and die. His main goal throughout his entire life was to provide for his family, and retiring was never an option. The weekend before he died, he had not been feeling well. He had just finished up working 10 days straight in the heat and was off for a few days, so we thought he had just been worn out from work. He went out to mow on Friday afternoon while mom and I were at work and overheated. When we got home he came inside, drenched with sweat and complaining about his body cramping up, but when we asked if we needed to take him to the hospital, he said he was fine. He promised us he just got too hot and was dehydrated. Over the rest of the weekend, he was quiet and didn't have much of an appetite (which was not normal), but again promised us he was okay. He had a sore throat and a cough, so he figured he had gotten a cold. The morning he passed, I woke up to my mom screaming my name from the kitchen. She found him. I've never shot out of bed so fast in my life. I ran in and saw my dad lying on the floor, fully dressed and not moving. The rest is a blur. I performed chest compressions until the ambulance arrived, but I knew my dad was gone the second I saw him. He was still warm, his electric razor was still running on the counter, but I just knew. The EMTs and firefighters worked on him for 45 minutes in our house and all the way to the heart hospital. He never came back. We had his service on Saturday. I am numb, I am confused, I am heartbroken. And not even after a week of him being gone, I had to experience my first Father's Day without him. I am struggling with the fact that my sweet, loving father was so sick and he wouldn't tell us. He wouldn't let us help him. He was probably so scared and didn't tell us because he wanted to protect us. My poor mother tried for years to get him to take care of himself, but what do you do when someone doesn't want to care for themselves? I don't know. I'm hoping this next week will give me some clarity. I start back to work tomorrow.
I am so sorry that you lost your dad so recently...and at such a young age for both of you. Stubborn parents are like stubborn children, except that they are grown adults and we can't make them do what we know is best for them. We can't force them to go to the doctor or to be honest with us, their children, about their health. It is such a difficult position to be in, and I think from what you said, your dad was trying to protect you and not scare you. It is tragic that the situation ended as it did. I'm sure you would have much rather been scared and worried and still have your dad alive...but people don't always see things that way when they are in the moment. Please try to not feel like you could have done anything more than you did. This was my first Father's Day without my dad, as well. It sucked. I was irrationally angry at all of the Father's Day commercials on TV showing healthy, happy, fathers with their families. Being honest with myself about my feelings, and allowing myself to go through the feelings has helped. Irrational or not. Allowing myself to cry, sob, yell, when I feel the need has helped. I hope that you have found some clarity and I hope that going back to work has given you a bit of time to focus on something else, if only for a bit. Hugs to you.
I'm also 28, also just lost my dad while he was still young. I'm sorry you're in that boat with me, but hey, at least there's more than one of us. How has going back to work gone for you? I'm returning in two days and I'm worried about my job performance. Right now, my brain is working at, like, 50% capacity, maybe? Have no clue how I'm going to be able to do work when I can barely find my way out of parking lots right now.
