I cant do anything right.

Discussion in 'LGBT Loss' started by MMarie, Jan 22, 2018.

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Do you feel as if you've become a stranger to yourself?

  1. I can't relate

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  2. Yes, that is me

    2 vote(s)
    100.0%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. MMarie

    MMarie New Member

    I lost my wife Feb. 18, 2017. I know the 1yr mark is coming next month yet I can't seem to do anything right. I keep asking myself "what happened to me?" I abandoned my house (homebody who usually can't stand to be away from my home) yet I it's going on 1yr away from it. Since she passed I drink every single day. (Usually I never drink) I have become completely opposite of who I've always been. I'm so ashamed to admit I stopped paying all my bills. (I shop & gamble to feel good when I decide drinking isn't the way) I used to dress up now I'm a mess. Gained 40lbs in 2mos. I'm completely irresponsible, unreliable I always recall her telling me when she goes she wants me to not feel bad and to do good. But I just can't seem to do any of it. She told me because I can't have kids that her son is mine now. And that when she leaves to take over and since her passing it hurts that I have failed him too. I can't get it together I hate this person I have become. So I found this site in hopes to know I'm not alone. (I hope I'm not alone)
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    MMarie, I am so sorry to hear of your loss and all the ways you have suffered in its wake. First and foremost, you are not alone. While grief does isolate us from the world we knew before, there are actually people out there who can relate to everything you're saying and going through.
    It is such a big question you've asked (and thank you for asking it, I have encouraged others to join the survey because I think it's one that so many can relate to).
    The experience of loss changes us. How many of us define ourselves by the people in our life and the role we play in relation to them? When we say someone is our other half, I don't think we realize how much we really mean it until they're gone. The absence leaves such a terrible void, and sometimes we seek ways to fill out that cause us more harm than good.
    While there isn't necessarily a "right" way to grieve, I do hear the concern you are feeling for the choices you've made since your wife's passing.
    I'm glad you are reaching out for support, and I hope this can be a start of your healing. And as wonderful a place as I think this can be to get help it may just be that more help is needed when our grief causes us to drink, spend money we don't have, stop paying our bills, or taking care of our basic needs.
    So please consider reaching out. Find support here, find support within your friends and family, find support (a group or a counselor) in your community.
    Of course it would be ideal if people came to us, if they knew how to help in our times of need, but overall, I find they don't. So you may have to do the work and the searching and you may need to reach out and let people know what you need.
    I'm so glad you've joined us, and I thank you for allowing us to be part of this journey. We're here to help in any way we can and I hope you stay with us, check in, and let us know how you're doing as you take this step to move forward. Please take care~