Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by griefic, Sep 19, 2016.
I'm greatful you have this forum to be able to express our feelings. I live in a rural small town with no support to express how I'm feeling. I hope I'm doing this correctly as I'm not savvy on this type of forum. Thank you for being here.
And we are so very grateful to have you hear. This site was developed for just this reason - not everyone has support or access to resources. I hope you can find some help and understanding here. If you have any questions about the site or how it works, please don't hesitate to reach out to us. Thanks for being here and please take care...
Good thing you are doing here!~
Hello. I just found your site, and joined. First of all, ThankYou for making this site! Because it seems to fill a niche that other grief-sites don't. And I already feel reassured to have read a few posts here that validate some of my feelings and struggles.
My dear husband was a fully-functioning man who could walk over 10 miles, when he checked in to a hospital for a digestive-tract surgery. The surgeon perforated him (thats like a gun-shot wound to the belly), then ignored or denied the signs of shock then sepsis, (in that he did not return him to surgery).
3 months of deterioration in the ICU later, he died.
It has been 14+ months, and if I keep busy sometimes I can feel basically normal or okay. But I only need be alone and "relaxing" for awhile to know that I am NOT "normal" or okay---- I miss him SO deeply, on multi levels I didn't or barely knew existed.
. . . and I also feel my grief is 2-fold: There is the loss of my mate, and the impact of the horrible way that I lost him.
Enough said, I think. ------ThankYou, again.
Well, first - you are very welcome! And thank YOU for your kind words.
I am so sorry for your loss, and while I always say there's no good time or good way to lose someone we love, there's still no question that the way the loss happens can make things even harder. I thank you for sharing your story and for joining us here. I hope we can be a help to you and that you can find some of the support you need. Sometimes just the validation, knowing that others can relate, can help you realize that you are not alone in this journey. Please let me know if there is anything you need~
Also just found this site and am realizing I'm not the only one grieving.
Lost my Scott 12/21/17 after 6 months of hospitals rehab centers. We had been married for 51 yrs. There had been multiple medical issues the doctors were attempting to resolve sever strokes, dementia, pain management, not eating, seemed like they were just guessing and Scott was becoming more and more distribute. He loved racing cars and he and one of his buddies had decided in Sept to build another race car so he could race one more time. Gave him the incentive to try to get better. He wanted to come home so badly but every time he did he was taken back to the hospital by ambulance. Then on Nov 13th doctors confirmed pancreatic cancer - stage 3. Heard this is one of the worst and it is very aggressive. The doctors explained that this cancer had been there for about 1 yr but the growth was to close to the artery so surgery was not an option then Scott decided he wanted to try chemo. The 1st treatment was ok - Scott did not have any major issues. Then came the second treatment the following week. Scott's body was not able to handle the chemo and within 10 minutes of starting the treatment the center called an ambulance and he was taken back to the hospital. Doctors found a blockage in his small intestines and it was determined Scott's body was not able to tolerate the chemo. That was on 12/3/17.
Scott being Scott told me we had to talk - That I had to be strong, and not let the doctors talk me into anything. He told me he knew he was dying and that he did not want anymore medical treatments. That maybe he was being selfish but that was what he wanted. He said for me to remember that he loves me just in case he goes before telling me that. Together we advised the doctors of his wishes then he asked me to stay with him at the hospital that night - one of the longest nights I will never forget.... We moved him to a hospice center and he finally was able to calm down and rest comfortably for the first time in more that 6 months. Many friends and family came to say their goodbyes. He lasted until 12/21 at 12:34 am.
I didn't realize until today that I have been grieving since the first time he went into the hospital on 7/29/2017. Some days are worse than others but I have been trying to be strong and think I feel him supporting me at the hardest times.. when I can't stop crying. I lost my husband, my friend, my lover, my companion a major part of my life.
I’m new to this site... It’s been a year and three months since my close friend unexpectedly died. No one knows for certain if it was an accident or suicide. My grieving has eased but the waves have been bigger lately, and I had to come early from work because I couldn’t handle the pain at work. (My friend also worked with me and she was my office mate) I’m hoping meeting others who are also grieving and sharing our grief together will help me throughout the healing process.
Suji - I'm so sorry for your loss. I think you describe grief in a way that a lot of people can relate to -in the way it changes shape and form with time. The fact that this was a coworker and someone you spent every day with makes it very hard, but I imagine not everyone can understand the impact that relationship had on your life. I hope you can find support here and I hope we can be a help to you. Please take care~