He should still be here

My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer "by accident" in December. The doctor said he was strong and would be able to handle the treatment. The doctor neglected to give him the pre-meds before he had his first chemo, and wound up in the hospital for 7 days. When he came out, the doctor said it was all because of the pre-meds and he has them on board now, so he would be fine for the second treatment. The second treatment sent him to the hospital and he never came home. He died just 12 days ago. He should be here. He should still be planning our move to Arizona in our 5-year plan. He should still be here feeding the wood stove. He should still be here holding my hand and telling me that he loves me. He should still be here feeding the stray animals he loved outside. He should still be here! I feel like I've been robbed of my time with him. At the end, when he couldn't talk, I hope he knew that I loved him and I was doing everything I could to bring him home. I hope he was not in pain. People say that they hear from their departed loved ones. Why haven't I? Is my grief too loud that all I can hear is my own thoughts? He should still be here!

 

Dear LakeCptnsWife........I am so sorry for your recent loss. There are no words to ease what you're feeling right now. And truth be told, there never will be. Those of us sharing on this website know full well the anguish you're experiencing. That all being said, sometimes it's a little (and I emphasize "little") cathartic to "talk" with others who are also grieving. You're right: he should still be here, and you have been robbed. I understand completely; my son should still be here. I, his dad, his brothers, his nieces, were all robbed. I'm mad as hell.......and glad I've found this site to express some of my pain/anguish/anger/despair/ This site won't fix anything.....but at least it gives us a place to share. I hurt for you......and with you. You will find many (MANY!) others here who hurt with you too..

 

So very sorry for your loss LakeCptnsWife - I truly wish there were more that could be said to ease the incredible pain I know you are going through. I lost my only son (my one and only child) in June, 2016, to an accidental overdose. He had just turned 26 years old. I too feel as if I have been robbed of my entire life. You will feel a sense of "hearing" from your husband when some time passes. My angel has only been gone for just under 9 months, but I did truly "feel" him - his soul - in my heart one night. It was the most awesome thing I ever felt. I really, really could feel him and he was telling me to be strong and to focus on my husband (his stepfather) who suffers with some health issues. I wish I got that feeling more frequently, but I think maybe I will once I come to completely accept that my baby is gone. I'm just not there yet. My prayers are with you and I hope you come visit often.

Phyllis

 

I think I know how you feel. My lovely wife of 30 years went in for a routine fibroid removal and hysterectomy. She never came home. It's like yesterday when that doctor called me out of the waiting room and gave me the news that literally destroyed my life. Our dreams and plans for our future disintegrated. It's been just over 6 months and most days I can get through but now with Christmas coming so are the waves of grief and overwhelming sadness. I hope you are finding a way to keep moving forward.

 

Rob, Christmas is going to be hard for you, I know. I'm so sorry you have to face the holiday without your wife. I've written before that there's no getting over this loss, or past it.....but there IS getting through it. Hold on to get through the holidays. There are thousands of us trying to get through this season, enveloped in clouds of grief. This is the second Christmas without my son. It still hurts to be without him, but God has granted the gift of time.....and with it, the stabbing pain of loss becomes more of a dull ache. I wish you the best, Rob, and pray you find some joy this holiday season. Here's one joy we can hold on to: weren't we blessed to have had someone so wonderful to love??!!