Grieving still at almost 2 years‍

Thank God I found this today. I lovin livin and hatin life all at the same time. How is that even possible? First year , after my spouses death, I was numb most of the time and when I wasn’t numb I was so mad. Mad at him for not taking better care of hisself, mad at God for taking him, and mad at myself for not doing something to help him more while he was alive. Now I made into the 2nd year and it’s supposed to be easier right? Im thankful to find a site with people who may understand what I’m still going through. I lost my husband of a short 10 years. He left me with the most precious gift, a son who is now 11. He was 9 at the time. The first year I was numb but yet mad at what happened. Now I’m in the second year thinking it would be easier. Nope not at all. The second year came with a new flood of emotions that I’m trying to learn to live with. Wondering if it ever gets easier from here.

 

I , too, am in my second year. It is not easier. People around me think it should be easier as if at 1 year the pain goes away and everything is ok. I agree, I was numb during the year of firsts- his birthday, our anniversary (33 years) thanksgiving, Christmas.....but it is not easier and only worse

 

Welcome Jessica. I am glad you found this site. I honestly had to look to make sure that I didn't write what you wrote, because I feel the same way .I lost my husband two years ago in April. The first year I was in shock and sad that he hadn't taken better care of himself .
Then I would go to being mad at him for the way he left. Since I think his death was due to a terrible mistake that he made.

I honestly think the second year has been harder but in a different way that is hard to explain. I think due to the fact we are so numb that first year we just go thorough the motion.
Second year comes around and some form of reality sets in that it really did happen. It wasn't just a really bad dream that I will wake up and be able to tell my love about.


The first year we have our support system around us the second year they are still there but different in a way.
I agree with Scout the "firsts" are very hard.

Not sure how its going to get better.
I am glad that I found this site! It really helps being here.

 

I know what you mean, it will be 2 years for me in Jan