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Does it really get easier?

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by bwebb698, May 25, 2018.

  1. bwebb698

    bwebb698 Member

    I lost my husband of 17 years in October of 2017 and, I have been told numerous times that it does get easier. I don't find that is the case at least for me, I find some days I am so angry mad that he is gone. I miss him so much he was my best friend and we talked about everything. I still have times where I call out to him to ask something and, the grief hits me like a ton of bricks because he will never answer me again.
     
  2. Sandra Bickley

    Sandra Bickley New Member

    I lost my Husband in December 2017 I am hurting more now then before.
     
  3. Joy Lynn

    Joy Lynn New Member

    I lost my husband May 30, 2015, from cancer. It doesn't get any easier, my whole world died with him. We were together for 32yrs. I've tryed to move on, nobody compares. I worry that I will be alone for the rest of my life.
     
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  4. bwebb698

    bwebb698 Member

    I am deeply sorry for your loss I truly am I know that it is the hardest thing in the world. I do find that this is helping sharing and reading other's stories I just don't think that time could ever take away the void that is now my life. We were best friends and so much more and that is gone now. I often cry myself to sleep wishing for one second to have him with me just for a minute would help. I was by his side when he took his last breath and, that haunts me now. I would not change it but, he knew he was going and, I know he knew because I was talking to him I laid my head by his head and told him I loved him and asked him not to go and he cried and that haunts me even now as I am typing this. I close my eyes and can clearly see all of it replaying and, the mess I had with the funeral home It was all more than one person should ever have to deal with. I feel for our children who lost their dad but, I don't know it seems they are bouncing back okay from all this but, I am still stuck at day one missing him and crying that he is gone and I will never have that again.
     
  5. bwebb698

    bwebb698 Member

    I am so sorry for your loss I too have those fears but I am not even close to being there I know that it is different with all people and I do hope that you find peace and what you need. I know that my husband and I talked about things like moving on a few times but I almost feel it was like in joke like "I would marry brad pitt if you ever passed" he had told me that he hoped I would move on and not let life get me down. I told him I never would because nothing could compare to what we have. I think it isn't about what compares it is about what you need now because you have had a love like no other now you need company and you maybe need to not compare to what you had but what you now need if that makes any sense?
     
    Mimi2 and Marise like this.
  6. bwebb698

    bwebb698 Member

    I am deeply sorry for you're loss and I can truly understand. thank you for responding and sharing it does help me to hear and share with people about everything they are feeling and going through. I have heard so many times that it does get easier with time but, I don't know I really don't think time could help this or ease my pain.
     
  7. Joy Lynn

    Joy Lynn New Member

    I was also with my husband when he took his last breathe. I spent the nite listening to his gurgled breathing and my heart was breaking to see this strong former Marine so vulnerable. I told him it was okay to leave, that we had a wonderful life and that I loved him. I told him of our friends and family that were waiting for him, he tryed to speak - it sounded like he said "Love you". I took a picture of our hands with our wedding rings, then slipped his off and onto my thumb. A little bit later a friend of his from his school days came in to see him and as both of us were holding his hands he stopped gurgling, stopped breathing, it was peaceful.
     
  8. bwebb698

    bwebb698 Member


    Thank you for sharing your story it is beautiful and I am so glad that you had that time with him and were there for the "end" I have heard some people say that they were not there and that it haunts them. I was and he just stopped breathing and, that was it and I don't know its like I was in some kind of shock I guess I couldn't catch my breath and then it hit me that he truly was gone and that was the single hardest moment of my life. I was with one of our children and realty of it was I could not grieve as I wanted because I had to be strong for her and then the phone calls to our children who couldn't be there for one reason or another its hard I think that sometimes I feel like I didn't get to have a time to just let everything go and cry then so maybe that's why I am stuck in the pattern I am now but I know that is not the case I am just missing my other half he was that and so much more. He use to say it was his mission in life to see me smile once a day and to hear me laugh and he would do anything to make me laugh literally I miss that I truly have not laughed since I don't find humor in things that I did before it is like I am some new person that is just learning how to live again.
     
  9. antsgrl1119

    antsgrl1119 New Member

    Joy, my husband had that gurgle and I cannot get it out of my head. It was 2 minutes of gurgling after falling on the floor and once it stopped, I knew he was totally gone. I close my eyes and I hear it ALL THE TIME.
     
  10. dscammell

    dscammell New Member

    I lost my husband on aug. 25 after a long battle with cancer that had spread everywhere despite our continued care and treatment it finally won in the end. the dr asked him who he wanted there when the time came and he said everyone so we were all there all about 15 of us. thought that it would be easier this way for myself and two adult children , but it wasn't. Ever since the service the phone isn't ringing no body is stopping by I know life goes on but I feel all alone here by myself and makes missing him worse , I try to keep busy with everyday stuff and figuring out everything like the health care and the bills but a real short attention span on doing anything next week I go back to work as a caregiver to an elderly client and I cant even seem to take care of myself but I need to be away from the house some and all I do is cry sitting here. We were together for 38 years and miss him and our life so much its too hard don't know iif I can handle this I am trying but not doing well with it all...…….
     
  11. brenda d

    brenda d Active Member

    so sorry for your loss. i lost my husband july 21 2019. i hear the same thing all time. i dont know i cant sleep at night and have times where i cry all night. i think about kenny all time not many hours out of the day i am not thinking about him.
    if it get easier i sure will be glad when it does. this is the worse pain i have ever felt. i still hope there will be a time when i can live and not cry all time.
    i think here is the only place i have found where people understand.
     
  12. Mimi2

    Mimi2 Member

    I lost my husband in December 2014. The pain has not gotten any easier.
     
  13. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    So much pain all of you have shared. There are no words I can say that will soothe that heartache you have. I wish I could reach out to all of you and hug you. We love, we live, and we endure. So very sorry for all of you: Bwebb698, Sandra Bickley, Joy Lynn, Antsgrl1119, Dscammell, Brenda d, and Mimi2.

    This is for all of you:



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