A slow but steady death by alcohol

Discussion in 'Loss from Substance Abuse' started by MKlove, Sep 3, 2016.

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Have you made positive changes to honor your loved one?

  1. Yes

    1 vote(s)
    33.3%
  2. Not yet

    2 vote(s)
    66.7%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. MKlove

    MKlove New Member

    My best friend died last month from chronic alcoholism, liver damage at only 36 years old. We drank together until her health mandated she stop, I had no idea she so was sick until it was too late. I didn't realize that she was drinking while I worked, napping during the day until we got home from work. With all that said I miss her so much, she lived here for 12 years and we shared so much. Her love for children, dancing, fun.....I realize she never really wanted to grow old and she didn't embrace grownup things like full time work, gaining credit, seeing the Doctor on a regular basis. I miss her so much.
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    MKlove, I'm so sorry for your loss and for the pain you are feeling. I really love the question you've posed, "have you made positive changes to honor your loved one?" as I think it is such a healthy way to move forward and cope. Sometimes in our early days we are in too much pain and we are too foggy and it's too hard to think clearly enough to focus on the "what now?" or "what next?"....but at some point we all get there. And then what? This idea of making a positive change, of realizing that we can find great strength and personal growth in the wake of a loss is one I hold on to, and try to promote. I'm hoping you are finding yourself moving in a healthy and positive direction and I hope by being here you find the support you need. Thanks for joining us...
     
  3. PhyllisG

    PhyllisG Active Member

    MKlove, I absolutely love your point about making positive changes to honor your loved one. There is so much I want to do but I just don't know where to begin. When I say "so much I want to do," I have ideas in my head that I want to start a crusade or something HUGE where we can start saving the lives of young people who are dying every day from drug abuse. My angel Joey left this earth on 6/17/16 after an overdose of heroin which also contained Fentanyl. I have been doing all I can staying in contact with law enforcement as well as the DEA to track down these murderers. I know Joey made the choice to do the heroin, but he was sick with a very bad addiction. Yes, Joey made theses choices, but I know for a fact that he did not make a conscious effort to die. He was just severely addicted. My avatar is a picture of me and Joey taken about 3 weeks before he went to Heaven. I am so incredibly glad I saw him for the few days I visited him in Birmingham, Alabama (I live in extreme south Alabama near Mobile).

    When I get a little stronger, I might just try to get something started. Unfortunately now, only 15 months after losing my only child and living with a huge hole in my heart, my husband of 22 years (Joey's stepfather) has been diagnosed with liver cancer. His only option is a liver transplant......we have a lot of hard times ahead of us.

    I do go to group meetings every week at my church with people suffering from grief after different types of losses - some with job losses, divorces, and loss of loved ones. That's helping me for now.

    I will keep you in my prayers and hope you find the outlet you need to move on and stay strong. The best of wishes to you. I will check in again soon.
     
    griefic likes this.
  4. Mary Holles

    Mary Holles New Member

    MKlove ~ I lost my ex-husband to chronic alcohol use just three weeks ago. It is still, obviously, so fresh in my heart and my mind. It's like a living hell over and over every single day. He was father to our now 18 year old daughter and he adopted my now 29 year old son. My kids are taking it very hard and it seems that we are all just stuck in limbo. I'm not expecting the pain to disappear any time soon, but it is so physically and emotionally tiring at this beginning stage of our loss. My ex-husband, Brad, and I were the closest of friends after we divorced almost 3 years ago and NO ONE in my circle of friends understands how he and I could have been this close and WHY on earth I would have wanted to be there with him/for him at the end. He spent almost a month in ICU and I was there for a solid two weeks with him. I was holding his hand as he took his last breath and I was able to tell him as well as hear him say "I love you" one last time. I have not allowed myself to grieve this HUGE loss in my life as I just can't bring myself to explain over and over to everyone why I am in so much pain. I doubt that even my kids understand it fully. My son saw the beginning of Brad's alcohol abuse and my daughter saw the end of it.
     
  5. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Mary, thanks for being here and for offering your support to fellow grievers. I have two articles in our blog that may be a help in relation to the loss you're experiencing. I'm including them here for you: http://www.griefincommon.com/blog/the-role-of-proximity-in-grief-disenfranchised-grief/ and http://www.griefincommon.com/blog/a-different-kind-of-loss-grieving-the-relationship-that-never-was/. I hope they can provide some comfort to you. Please take care and thanks again for being here~