2 1/2 years later and the grief is worse

Discussion in 'Loss of Sibling' started by Loretta, May 29, 2018.

  1. Loretta

    Loretta New Member

    I lost my younger sister very unexpectedly 2 1/2 years ago and thought I was coping ok. Now, out of no where the grief has hit harder than ever. I cry all the time,don't sleep well, eat too much and feel like I have to struggle just to get out bed. I just can't seem to cope with anything. I know my sister wouldn't want this but her death makes me so very sad. I always thought that I would be the first to die. I try so hard to be strong for her 3 adult children but I am struggling more and more .
    I just don't know how to get through this
     
  2. Little_Sis

    Little_Sis Member

    Hi Loretta, I just found this site today. I know that your post is a month old, so not sure if you’ll see this. I lost my sister very suddenly 2 & 1/2 yrs ago also. At times I do really well with things, and other times the pain still has a way of rushing to the surface and crushing me. I can’t seem to find my words right now, but I just wanted to reach out and tell you that you’re not alone. Maybe we could talk sometime. Take Care, ~M.
     
  3. Loretta

    Loretta New Member

    Thanks for your reply. It is good to know I'm not alone in this but I am also sorry for your loss. I just can't seem to get to that place of acceptance that she is gone. Her death was so very unexpected and we still don't have a true cause of her death. I think that is why I just can't get thru this. I miss her so much as I am sure you miss your sister as much as I do mine.
     
    griefic likes this.
  4. Little_Sis

    Little_Sis Member

    You don’t have to thank me. I was just checking my email and got one saying you’d replied. It made me feel happiness and hope. Of course I wish that none of us had to know what this is like, but I know the reality is that there are so very many of us grieving for a sister or brother. I think one of the hardest parts of this for me is the overwhelming loneliness that I end up feeling. That I can’t talk to most people about it. And even with the ones that I can talk to, they don’t understand because they haven’t experienced the same loss. I have other siblings, but we can’t seem to come together and talk about our sister. It really pains me because we’re hurting for the same exact person.. but we can’t seem to help each other with it.

    I know what you mean about struggling with acceptance. I can’t seem to find my way there either. I know it’s one of the 5 stages of grief.. we’re supposed to reach acceptance at some point. But to be truthful, my thinking on it is a little different. Maybe a year and a half ago I really began to think; ‘I can’t accept this. Accepting it means that I’m saying that it’s okay. It will never be okay to me that my sister is no longer here.’ Maybe that makes me extra stubborn (I am in many ways), but that’s how I feel about acceptance. I have a different goal in mind though.. I just want to be able to come to the sort of place where I am as at peace as I can possibly be with the loss of my sister. Does that make sense to you? I feel like some people might think that’s the same as acceptance, but to me it’s not.

    I hope that you are able to find answers. We know the ‘cause’, but I still find myself with many unanswered questions. Realizing that it’s very likely that most of those questions I won’t find an answer for probably ever.. that’s rough. I’m glad that you replied. I hope that we might be able to help each other. There is so much comfort to be found in simply being able to talk to understanding ears!
     
    griefic likes this.