Brother-in-law hates me, blames me for his mother's passing

Hi all,

On top of grieving the loss of my mother-in-law, how do you get through when members of the family hate you?

My mother-in-law passed away a week after having a heart attack & cardiac arrest from uncontrolled type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure. She was severely brain dead. so we pulled her off life support. She passed away on 12/18/18. Before her passing she watched our son every day during the work week since I went back to from maternity leave. The baby is now 17 months old. I asked her numerous times if she was okay with watching him still, and she said she loved watching him.

Since then, my brother-in-law and his wife have been avoiding my husband & I. They won't spend any time with our baby (same baby, their Godson), etc. So, yesterday, especially since the holidays are here and we have to be around each other, my husband and I asked to talk to them so we could clear the air and try to fix what could be wrong. The wife immediately walked away, and my brother-in-law displayed psychotic behavior calling me names saying "I'm a piece of work", "I'm dead to him", "He wrote me off". He said that his mom told him our baby is the best thing that could ever happen to my husband, and I am the worse. He said that we killed his mother by making her watch the baby every day. He said our wedding was a disgrace because we had alcohol there (but so did his their sister at hers, and he doesn't hate her). Side note: my husband and I's relationship is fine. We are head over heels for each other and love our family. The brother said he talked to his mom every day, and in the last couple of weeks she said she was tired. Come to find out, her heart was working extra hard to pump blood for her these last couple of weeks. She couldn't even walk to the restaurant the night she had her heart attack. We should've known something was wrong. I also talked to my mother-in-law every day, and she never mentioned anything to me. She could talk to me, and she knew that. We had a great relationship.

I'm also pregnant with twins, so I'm currently trying to not stress myself. How do I deal with this hate coming from my husband's brother and his wife? We always had a good relationship granted the fact that break my heart which is that we have a child and two more on the way, and they have dealt with miscarriages their whole marriage. This could be another contributing factor to the hate, so that's my I'm mentioning it. I love my husband's family so, on top of grieving, this breaks my heart.

How to cope?

 

Wow I'm so sorry this is happening to you. This is in no way your fault. You're mother in law had every opportunity to voice her opinion and say I can't today. I will be praying for you and your grief and family healing.

 

If you had forced your mother-in-law to watch your baby knowing she was sick, that would be one thing. However, it does not sound like that was the case.

Your husband’s family is hurt by the loss and looking for someone to blame. I don’t know that there is anything you can do other than give it time.

As you know, your main priority now is your pregnancy.

 

Thank you both so much! Thank you for responding. I will try not to stress